There are a few things that we need to remember as LBS, that so many of us forget...
When we come here, most of us, are very new from the bomb, and we grasp at time lines like they are a life raft...
And they are, for a while. IF I can just make it through 6 months, or a year...
The problem with all of it is that there really is no timeline. I have read some articles about MLC that say 3-5 years, others that say up to 7, I even have read a few MLC stories that the people say their crisis lasted over 20 years.
So throw the timeline out of the window. It means very little.
Also, looking at it in terms of a relived adolesence, while that is basically what it is, is difficult because we all someone who is a "Peter Pan". Someone who NEVER grew up. When our dear Spouses begin this journey, we never know which of them will leave Never Land and return to join us.
Additionally, with teenagers, there comes a point, regardless of their behavior, that you have to fully cut the cord. That usually happens about 2-3 years (age 16-17), into their transition. You are there for super major stuff, maybe you have a conversation or two with them about things, but basically, they are just renting space in your home and heart, while they learn how to become adults. Finding their independence and that is a normal stage to growing up.
During this time your focus shifts, either onto younger children if you have them, or onto your own life and happiness. Because they don't need you as much anymore.
That is why it seems like many LBS "quit" on their MLC S.
But living your life, making it what it is, because you have no idea what your R will look like down the road with your MLCer, is not quitting necessarily. It is just finally taking charge of your own life. I feel that it is a normal part of life.
And I do have to wonder, who said moving on with your life said that means you stop loving your S? Just because you do not live with someone anymore does not mean the love has died or ended. Maybe what it looks like has changed but...
JMO.
Anyone else have thoughts?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
