A counselor CAN help you with the sexual issues. But first you have to wade through all of the underlying crappola that is in your way...it sucks, but it's true.
I only tell you this because I know without a shadow of a doubt that if my H hadn't continued to see his C (after we went together for a bit) that we wouldn't have improved our communication...which in turn made us feel closer to each other...and now we're at a place where we're able to work on the sexual issues that we have.
My H approached the C with a very defensive attitude...he'd answer her questions, but just barely...she managed to get around it though. One thing I've got to mention to you though is that if you do go back to a C...bring up the issues whether it pisses him off or not. Or make appointments to see the C without him there, so you can talk about this issues and clue the C in to the real problems without feeling like you're going to be attacked by your H as well.
Don't give up...there really is hope for you guys. My H was so defensive at first and then our C actually got him to say what he was doing to me/our marriage without him even realizing it, until it was already out of his mouth. Once he heard it from his own lips it was like an epiphany happened for him....so really, don't give up
