well yes isn't it a little cool to notice things like that?
I recall that pivotal moment (I think I shared with you??) when instead of complaining about a utility bill not being paid (and getting cut off during the wildfires here, NICE TOUCH--) that happened 2 hours after a db coach session (best single thing I did the whole ordeal)...talk about divine intervention.
So after that electricity got cut off and h's first reaction (MAY HAVE BEEN KIDDING...I DON'T THNK SO BUT???) was "Got cut off? Hope that doesn't hurt MY credit!"
I really did laugh and said "good thing you've got the priorities straight h, but seriously...the bill??" And trust me, I was VERY angry and shocked as this was out of character for him. But he said something to cut me off as I'm sure he expected to be reamed. HE interrupted me to say "Good! Now you know how it feels to pay the bills like I have for the past 20 years (as if I refused to or as if he ever asked me to...but no matter)...
BUT INSTEAD of the big fight, I didn't do the usual, had a brain storm in line with my DB coach's advice, and I thanked my h "for paying the bills all those years b/c it IS a stressful thing" and Jesus believe me when I tell you, he was flummoxed b/c he paused a LONG time and finally said "you're welcome"...
Sorry if I"m repeating myself telling that, but it's one small example of a thing that would have gone so diff if not for DBing...and it was a start in searching for new ways to relate so we show that our m going forward COULD indeed be diff...
The ONE thing that did the most, out of all that I /we did to save our m, was the DB coaching so I hope you get sessions asap, Here, the cost of a T is about the same as dB coaching and neither were covered by ins- soooo, wth?
Even tho I had a great mc too, & don't want to take away from that as I feel blessed by the help we got, but I have to say "do the DB coaching and get 3 sessions and use their very specific advice. IT's so applicable and encouraging and you'll never have to wonder what they meant or if it worked b/c you'll know. And as for mc's and t's....hey we were blessed TRUE, but I shopped! And Didn't stop at first 2...nope I did not...I kept going til I met someone who said they'd support my efforts to stay m within reason, and felt God favored m but NOT at all costs, and didn't just mean abuse is the only reason for div, or A...some peeps here have narrow versions of why you can div and they are ALWAYS LBSers-- and frankly their opinion of when div is justified isn't the one that matters.
Our pro-m T counted happiness as a factor, (yay!!) and some people here don't agree. I KNOW God wants us to be happy. But At what cost to others??? Well...here's what he/we agreed... In all honesty, my ethics and my desire to follow my moral code IS partly selfish, b/c I believe I cannot be happy in the long run, or look myself in the mirror and look in the faces of our children, if I have not followed that code of ethics.. So in order for me to be happy I have to live a moral life even though I'll screw up now and then, on the whole, I don't do a lot of bad things that make ME FEEL terrible....so who wants that?
Some call it "Catholic guilt"; I call it a conscience. In short, IF I don't believe I've done everything reasonable to save the m that a good woman would do, I won't be able to say to myself at the end of my life, "I did right by my kids" or that "I did right by that man I married, kept my vows (or sure tried to) and he was a decent man who deserved lots better from me." IF I cannot say those things, that will greatly sadden me....also I admit that sometimes doing right by the kids or by you, means not staying in a toxic m....I digress...but as for noticing changes in our sitch' due to DBing....yeah, notice and enjoy...
Who knows what your w is thinking? And yes you must stop mind reading...(but that does not mean you can't notice things that are changing- and get a little chuckle out of them...change of any sort is progress one way or the other, you know? Can't do limbo forever...)
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
