Holy Crap! Didn't expect THIS!

[Trixi]

You guys don't know what a help your perspective has been!!

Tonight H and I went out to dinner and we shared that we were both concerned with "Is it the "right" reason"?

I said to him that after talking to you guys I started to think about it and I can't really think of a catalyst that brings people back together that is happy. I mean, often it is something like a sickness, or a child needing help/getting sick, or some other (negative) thing that changes your whole perspective on life and what is really important. It doesn't make it a bad reason. It means that your changed your priorities when faced with the realization of how fragile life is.

He has already tried to find his wedding ring and wonders if it was stolen because it's not where he thinks he left it.

He is mad with himself because he knows he should have been the leader for our family, but he wasn't. (!) (I had already been thinking that I would want to express that, but wasn't sure how to broach the subject. So, as he was saying it I started getting really teary because it so hit the mark.)

He said that he knows this is really scary for me and he has a lot to prove. He is scared too, but he is afraid of not doing what's right in the future. (heck, me too!)

I brought up retro and he suggested we start dialoguing how we feel about moving back in together.

We both talked about liking our respective houses and not being so keen on giving up our personal 'touches', if you will. But agreed that in the big scheme of things, that's nothing.

He feels overwhelmed and is trying to take it all in; said again that he really wants no pressure/take it slow for this week. That our next step is going to be coming out to everyone as a couple.

He sort of complained about the Universe teaching him such hard lessons and said that he shouldn't complain... at least God cares enough about him to try to teach him something. (!)

He said "Obviously God wants us together for some reason. We are stuck with each other. Might as well get used to it."

Of course, this is all the easy stuff; talking in the airy fairy future. It's going to be a bitch when I have to sell off my stuff, pack, move back, find a way to fit back into the other house; negotiate things; find my voice in that house. Our finances are totally separate; neither one of us has to "answer" to the other one; no expectation on coming home at a certain time; ....basically being accountable to no one. Fully partnering up seems daunting.