The tunnel of darkness

[kjensen]

Not much going on at the moment but I suspect that may change soon.
H emailed me this morning that he didn't think he'd make it to the meeting tonight for D14's upcoming band trip as he might have "homework" with classmates for his meditation class???

He didn't show. But during meeting time he texted D14 and D12.

D12 finally got the nerve up to tell her dad that she and he are NOT Ok..via text..She said it took her 4 texts to share her feelings. She was crying when I came home from the meeting but didn't tell me til bedtime why. Not sure what she said or H's reaction, but I'm proud of her and hope that some her anger dissipates as this weight is lifted(I hope).

I'm to have a phone conference this week with my lawyer to discuss temporary orders for maintenance(alimony)...so thins should get moving with the divorce.

Still feel some sniping kind of anger from H in the emails.. really wish the anger would go away..its been so long.

Am staying dim except when needing to communicate about the girls. Doesn't seem to make any difference. Really think H has moved on and won't look back.

I'm still very sad about how all of this as turned out. I'm trying to look forward, but I seem to still be processing all the lies H told me this past year, the false sense of hope H gave me when he moved home, the betrayal I feel with his lack of effort in our marriage, the loss of my best friend...not sure if its because of the events that happened a year ago and the anniversay is bringing it to the forefront of my mind or just that I still need alot of time to get through the pain/betrayal.

Wish I could get through it quicker-seems like I was doing better last May before H moved home than I am now.