"I love it. I love the pursuit. I love the attention."
Here is what you need to focus on and realize its worth...yes, we women LOVE to be pursued. You need to find an appropriate man to pursue you, and the right one will literally pursue you day after day forever and ever. And that way you'll feel that rush of love and chemicals day after day, forever and ever!
The rush of chemicals is, of course, there even with mr. unavailable...but that doesn't mean its good for you or that you should partake in it. Chemicals that make you high, and yes sex and love are included in that, should be looked at like very dangerous drugs and should only be taken under controlled circumstances among the right company. Obviously that means - you don't let a married man fill you with dangerous love chemicals, the same way you should never snort some cocaine with some dude in a bar restroom...get it?
"I don’t feel as though I can say “Look, this is weird. You’re married and your spending all this time talking to me. Concentrate on your wife.” Because our “friendship” has been very intense, but very platonic. There has been no overt mention of future intimacy. There has been no overt sexualisation. It’s all very covert. (and that in itself is sexy as hell) … and the bottom line is – spending less time talking to him has left a hole in my life."
This is why its called an emotional affair, not a physical affair. And this is also why people who are in emotional affairs don't realize they are actually in an affair, just because no direct sex has happened. But emotional affairs kill marriages just as often as physical affairs.
You don't have to tell him "leave me alone and focus on your wife". You are correct in that, no you don't need to do that. All you have to do is truly back off and after awhile, he will get the hint and leave you alone.
Please - just really back away for real, and we'll talk you through it and help you find some better outlet, ok? Stop with the excuses and do what your heart knows is right. :0)
"I hate that I’m such an emotional cripple. Why can’t I have it together? I look at my family and other friends and they seem to be able to pull it off. What’s wrong with me?"
Ok, I don't know you well enough to know "what's wrong with you"... I can offer this suggestion.
Focus on LOVE. Don't focus on just filling up your life. Love is the only thing that will really pull it all together for you. Do you pray or meditate? If you do, pray for love, meditate on love.
I know that I talk on this board mostly about sex and sexless marriages, but the main focus of my life is actually LOVE. I was blessed all my life with a strong sense of love...love for myself, for my family, and truly feeling loved by a higher power. When I delve deep into love, it brings a well of emotion within me and can easily bring me to (joyous) tears. This love is what has directed me to find the man of my dreams. Nothing less than total full on love was good enough for me. Come to find out, that's what the man of my dreams made as his goal, too.
Love can seek itself, it knows itself. If you make love your goal, rather than "having it all together" or "having a great sex life", the rest will come along as side benefits.
