Wow. This is quite a story. I am so sorry for your pain and heartache. I can't imagine how difficult things have been for you, but you seem to have remained strong and determined.
I do think your H has some serious depression issues, but it does no good for YOU to point them out, suggest help, or try to provide solutions. He won't and can't hear them. He's in a dark, hopeless place right now.
I understand the sick feeling. I've had that for going on two months now (since my H and I separated). Sometimes my whole upper body has felt like it's on fire. [Of course, now I have an ulcer, so there really WERE some legitimate burning sensations.]
I think no contact for now is a good thing. It's excruciating at times, but you need some distance so that you can detach.
How are you helping yourself? Are you reading books on the subject? Have you opted to see a counselor? Do you have a good, trustworthy friend on whom you can lean (who won't judge and tell you to ditch him/move on)?
Please keep posting here and sharing your thoughts/feelings. You'll get some excellent support and insights from this community. Hang in there, gg.
