LL, Why don't YOU do something about it? If he's not willing to play the game, then make a drastic move. It seems like your H only responds to drastic measures anyway.
Move out of your bedroom, or something like that. And tell him that these arrangements will stay as is until the kids are older and you can move out.
I think that your H makes no permanent movement toward change because HE DOESN'T HAVE TO. There are no consequences.
Make some consequences and stick with them and see what happens.
