Share more about the shaving cream and the kids! WHat are they going to do with it??? Sounds fun already!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Share more about the shaving cream and the kids! WHat are they going to do with it??? Sounds fun already!
Shaving cream is really fun . What I did last time was to have them make shaving cream sculptures on the dining room table, but it devolved into naked children covered in shaving cream from head to toe. Shaving cream trivia: very hard to wash off because the suds never die! Sometimes having fun just involves a Very Big Mess.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
What Cyrena posted in Hope4Luv's thread really helped me to understand H's tendency to overreact and his not feeling safe in our M (which he has expressed indirectly):
Originally Posted By: Cyrena
I just wanted to comment on what happens with the MLCers. They tend to have all sorts of unresolved childhood issues resulting from their family of origin dynamic--feelings of rejection, abandonment, inadequacy, unloveability, or whatever. These feelings are what they need to explore, accept, forgive, and be able to recognize in themselves when they're triggered.
Until they reach the point of being able to do that, their wounds are reopened when something you say/do "overlaps" with one of those painful feelings, and they're flooded all the pain they felt as a child. They blame it on you, not on their own triggers, hence their huge over-reactions.
To tell the truth, the same thing happened to me as an LBS--the abandonment I felt because of my MLC husband was soul-searing because it was overlapping the abandonment I felt when my parents didn't protect me from childhood abuse. I had to learn to separate current feelings from past triggers. Whenever I was even a little annoyed at him, my H would be triggered back to the child being physically and verbally abused by his mother, and also had to learn to separate core hurts from what was really being said in the present.
Right now, your H is still in a place where he's not ready to confront his past. Meanwhile, try not to take any of his abuse personally. Yes, you may need to get away from it. But don't let him make you feel bad about past episodes--really, it's the childhood ones that are the true source of his pain, even though it's the ones in your marriage which he blames.
I want to read more MLC stuff. My need to understand my sitch has not been satisfied adequately.
Last edited by flowmom; 02/22/1008:55 PM.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Shaving cream trivia: very hard to wash off because the suds never die! Sometimes having fun just involves a Very Big Mess.
More trivia: Pry the top off the can and replace the nozzle with one from a spray paint can. The shaving cream will shoot out like silly string.
Anybody remember the song Shaving Cream ?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
The question "how are you?" has a different answer now, but I'm not totally sure what the answer is. I have a happy-sunny-spring-flowers feeling, but I think underneath there some numbness.
I'm thinking about getting some bodywork to work on grief. That would be a 180 for me as I don't really like having strangers touch my body (I am one chick who does not fantasize about massages or going to the spa). I guess it's a trust issue. But OTOH, I don't want to be storing grief in my body...I want to release it.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Thanks for the suggestion CG. My sis suggested psychic healing
Sooo, I've been reading some very interesting posts from an old member happy_again, who was a MLC WAH (brief EA but that didn't seem to be the issue) -- go to the last page to read from the beginning: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...osts&page=1
It gives me some insight as to H's possible frame of mind. Wow.
Last edited by flowmom; 02/22/1011:24 PM.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
today I GAL: went out for a beautiful nature walk with my children in the glorious spring sun...balm to my soul
today I GAL: started thinking about how to go camping with my children this summer. serious logistics issues without H's help.
--
yesterday I GAL: went out for dim sum with my friend and my 2 kids and ate whatever I wanted to (reminder to self: never take kids out to restaurant ever again)
yesterday I GAL/180: sat with a neighbour and asked her about her life
yesterday I 180: pulled out a graphic 70s thrift store dress out of the closet and wore it...it's OK to express myself through my clothing!
yesterday I 180: practiced setting boundaries with my S...always lots of opportunities!
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Wonderful life-getting and 180 exhibitions! Sounds like you've had some excellent past few days.
One of my two best friends keeps suggesting that I call a psychic. She and your sister would likely get along very well. My friend tells me that for only $200 or so I can learn about myself and my future. I have many, many other things on which I can spend $200 or so. I have politely resisted her suggestions to date.
It pains me to hear that you do not enjoy the spa/massage experience! I am a very private person, and I like my personal space very much. That being said, I'll lie down on a flat surface for just about anyone to massage me. [Maybe that's an over-exaggeration. I don't do this sort of thing on the streets. Only with licensed professional therapists. I'm just not picky about the therapist!] I'm a spa junkie. Too bad I'm not rich. I'd go more than once or twice a year.
Keep enjoying your wonderful life! It's great when you choose to be happy and do things for yourself.
. What I did last time was to have them make shaving cream sculptures on the dining room table, but it devolved into naked children covered in shaving cream from head to toe. Shaving cream trivia: very hard to wash off because the suds never die! Sometimes having fun just involves a Very Big Mess.
