WAH in MLC with PA

[DiamondGirl]

He actually has said he would if I fight him on the joint thing... I'd like to see him try... living in SIL basement... going to school with minimal hours at his part time job... plans to move out of country... yup.. I can see how a judge would go for that.. LOL

alt=FB on the internet

There's a DB community on there so everyone can connect..

[DiamondGirl]

Trying really hard to restrain myself right now.. found OW FB site and it's open for comments... I know, I know.. but I'm just itching to stir the pot right now... it's driving me nuts that she's so happy and seemingly innocent posting herself as widow when it should read "involved with another woman's husband of 14 years!"

Arrghhhh!!!!

Plus she has two adult sons and her father on it too... grrr

Temptation is just burning at me...

[DiamondGirl]

So my cousin talked me out of sending anything... I had it all prepared but I deleted it instead...

This sucks the big one.. I am so angry at what he and she have done to my family's life..

Cousin says the best revenge is to let them see that I haven't been broken by their lies and deception.. and live better than ever...

So I put my "big girl" panties back on and hit delete...

I hate being an adult sometimes...

[DiamondGirl]

Boy are you guys good! And I am so glad I didn't hit "send" instead of "delete" on Sunday..

According to SIL, WAH and OW fought all weekend and OW told him she wants to see other people... Yup.. Sounds like she's his soulmate to me... LOL

Writing is on the wall as many of you predicted... Now we sit back and see how long it takes... and if he's going to be one of the ones to just replace her with another OW...

Grabbing my popcorn on the way to the couch...

[Cadet]

You just needed to read the script for the WHOLE movie. You almost missed part of it. LOL

[DiamondGirl]

LOL Yup.. I realized that while I was stewing and debating about hitting SEND, they were probably fighting.. LOL

Talk about Karma, I was enjoying this information this morning a little too much.. a few seconds after I mentioned it to someone here, I knocked my cup of tea over.. LOL

[DiamondGirl]

Stop all of that working. Allow and accept, one hundred percent, whatever your mate thinks, feels, or does is perfectly okay.

It's perfectly okay.

Their negative feelings towards you will weaken , because their negative feeling needs something in you to fight with. And when you sincerely see what's on their side, when you sincerely agree with them, and when you lovingly and sincerely go one hundred percent totally, instantly, and happily your mate's way, when you do that there's nothing for their negative feeling to build on.

You have put the white flag up.

You've thrown your gun down.

That forces them to do the same thing. They cannot shoot you when you have no gun. When you're not defending yourself, THEY want to defend you.

It's not normal to not defend yourself, but it is healthy.

Agree with them.

Do not disagree at all.

It's not to your advantage.
....Her negative or his negative attitudes towards you are being supported by you communicating what you want.

I read the above on another thread and have been wondering whether it is time for me to start being there every now and then when WAH picks up the kids for his visit.

For the last month or so I've made myself 'unavailable' at pick up and drop off times because I wasn't sure I could handle seeing him without breaking down. I think I'd be able to face him now, for a few minutes at least, without doing so.

I know him and OW made up since my last post and he's going to see her the first week of March (for the week). They may fight again (or not)... what will be will be...

I'm not sure if I should be continuing to be "dark" or go to "dim" for a bit. I think that at some point I should try and get to a place where he can vent and I can validate but that won't happen if I'm still avoiding face-to-faces...

Would his being able to 'vent' to me weaken the negative anger towards me?

Am I overthinking this and should I continue to be 'dark' with my busy life?

Experienced MLC battlers.. please chime in.. (2x4s appreciated if I deserve one..)

[DiamondGirl]

What are you feeling when you know your husband is with OW? Are you feeling rejected, abandoned, not good enough, unloveable, disrespected?

I know for me my feelings were many of the above ones I listed. It was not about my XW and what she was doing, it was about what I was feeling that was so painful.

These feelings were very familiar to me as they were the same feelings I experience as a child. The painful emotions had resurface all over again and opened up all past wounds that have been left unhealed.

I just read the above in the MLC Archives - it was from a post by M Go Blue

I wondered after reading it, if that is an example of what I need to work on for myself? Isn't it normal or healthy to have those feelings when, in fact, you are left for OP? Or is it unhealthy to feel that way? I really identify with the above because that's what I feel when I think of WAH/OW...

I'm trying to get a handle on what is healthy feeling and what are things I need to work on... I wasn't raised with much affection or emotion, so it's like learning a new language to me..

[job]

DG,
It is very normal to feel abandoned, hurt, sad, disappointed, ugly, etc. We feel like yesterday's trash or a second glass citizen. We try to compare ourselves to the person our spouse is in love w/these days.

Paul described his feelings quite well in his posting. You will work on these feelings as you get stronger and time has provided some much needed healing for you. In time, you will come to realize the God has a plan for each of us and we do not know what it is and there is a very good reason why our spouses are walking the path to OZ.

You are now on your own journey. This journey will help you to rediscover the person you were long ago. You will discover so many long forgotten things that you use to love to do. In time, you will smile again and the wound will not be so raw for you.

[flowmom]

DG, I've familiarized myself with your sitch somewhat. I feel for you. I know how a special needs child and financial issues can wreak havoc on M -- huge issues for us.

Easy for me to say, but try not to focus too much on the OW. She is not really the issue...for things to get to this point in your M, there was a lot of water under the bridge and a lot of life circumstances and actions/inactions on your and your H's parts.

You might want to read up on happy_again threads that I posted in my thread. He was a MLC/EA-engaged WAH who really told it like it is. The harshness of his posts is pretty shocking and provides a window into one guy's frame of mind. In his case the EA was a huge deal to him, yet it was somehow compartmentalized from his R with his W -- almost like parallel universes. His W was a saint and was a hard-core DBer.