Yes, I'm in IC I have been working on this for the past year! I have been through a lot of pain looking at my upbringing as well as the dark side of my R with H. I'm not where I want to be yet in terms of not losing my temper. But H doesn't want to admit that verbal abuse is abuse and he needs to if he's going to have any time with S and me privately, you are right. I'll try to have people around or be in public to protect us.
I wish the law could intervene on such matters. They also dont' consider verbal abuse grounds for a restraining order. Someone must have bruises first. The safest thing I can do is keep away from him.
I am going to learn to be strong and not internalize the blame for all this. I am going to learn to forgive myself for my own destructive behavior. Whether H joins me or not is his choice. I have come a long way. In the past I would have blamed him back and said that my temper was dependent on his nastiness. I now know I am responsible for my own behavior no matter what, but that so is H. I am also not responsible for his temper. This is a huge step for my healing, esp. in relationship to my upbringing.
