Do you read David Ramsey's book's? Or Suzy Orman? I really believe in what they teach...but maybe break the bonus down:
5%-Charity 10%-Your college fund 30%-Kids College Funds 30%-Pay Down Debt 15%-put in savings 10%-Blow money
One financial mistake we made with bonuses....we just put it all on debt. The problem with that is the next time you have an unexpected expense...there is no savings to use so you end up in debt again. But if you haven't....I suggest reading one of the above authors. I don't agree that getting out of debt makes it easier for her to leave. I believe it will actually have the total opposite affect.
First-By either saving the money and paying off debt you are acting financially responsible....that would be a large 180 for you.
Second-females (more so than males) have noted that they feel more secure when in a household with savings. I would venture a bet that your wife does not feel financially secure with you...which is probably adding to the fantasy with her supervisor.
I would really think about this one....in the end how you handle this may have a large impact on the future no matter which way you go.
Lost/OP - Thank you for your feedback. I have decided I will take the bonus and ask her what she thinks. My suggestion will be to take most of it and pay off debt with a few grand going into savings. You are right in that one of her issues with me has always been my financial irresponsibility. Showing her that I am taking proactive steps may show her a different side of me. I have also realized that my indecisivness is something that is quite unattractive. She can see it and it sure does not help my sitch. This is something that i need to work on, in addition to the fear that I feel re: the loss of my W. I have a lot of issues that I am trying to deal with right now and I have say; although it is not easy I can see that I am making progress just not enough progress for her.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Mach - you are right. More and more I realize how many changes in me I still need to make. I need to sit down with myself and determine what are the areas of improvement that I need. How do i go about make these improvements? How can I measure my success. You know I've replayed yesterday's convo with W in my head and you know what - I still have a lot of work to do. These are changes that I need to make for me not for her.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
You know Lost I just realized how my insecurities and fear create the controlling person that I am. I hate it. Now I just need to look inside and figure out how to fix it. You are right it is inside. This my friend is a perfect example of the change and work that you guys all tell us we need to do. In my case, address the fear and the controlling and me as a person will be a better man. Wow.
Hey Mach - more peeling buddy...more peeling.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Thanks Lost.Every now and then I realize what you guys keep telling me and why you are telling me to GAL and Detach. The reality is that I cannot control what she does, when and if she will ever get out of this and even if she does what will happen. So by GAL and detaching I am working on myself so that I can be the man that I want to be. For some of us who have been selfish our entire life this is difficult. I do not want to be selfish anymore but unfortunately I have no choice right now. Her desire that I do not go back to school is, in my opinon an opportunity to hold me back or at a minimum she is jealous and fustrated that I am working on myself. I believe that she is using this to manipulate me to some extend but hey what do i know. The reality is that she is very very angry and that anger is being directed at me. She rarely shows it but then again she was only one to avoid conflict so it seem a little the norm. I understand that this is something that SHE need to go thru but it is fustrating on my side to watch someone who needs help cover it with A after A. I know deep down in her is still some good. But I know realize that the A are to "satisfy" her emotional needs so that she does not have to deal with Her issues. The friends who all agree with her do not help but really I don't think anyone can help her now except GOD.
You know I do not want to be selfish but I have no choice right now. This is my struggle. I want to change and I am in this for the long haul but I do need to protect myself and my kids from what she may decided to do in the state of mind that she is in.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
