Quote: Quote: ----------- and how exactly do I MAKE him tell me? do I sit on him? tie him up and put a light on him? stick bamboo under his finger nails? I mean how, since asking directly, indirectly, ultimatums etc don't get me an answer or solution? -----------
So he does like to be in control. passively in control, with me anyway
If he is smaller than you, you could always beat a confession out of him. he's not "smaller" then me we are roughly the same size and beating him up wont get me anywhere but further away from him. I was being very sarcastic with my proposals of how to get an answer out of him.
Seriously. Does this mean you are frightened that he will leave again? for myself? NOPE for the families sake? YUP Is he holding you captive by his refrain from facing the truth? he's holding himself captive by his refrain from actively addressing the issue and inturn holding me temporarily captive. My wings will spread as time goes on, then it will be his decision if he wants to fly with me or not.
Obviously, you don't like the idea of ultimatums. who does? I understand the sentiment. Not wanting to issue them myself cost me a couple decades of peace. When I did finally decide that enough was enough, things changed quickly. I finally ditched most of my anger and got serious about resolving issues in my relationship. I am serious about it. Sometimes it is easier for both parties in a conflict to resolve issues when there are no other choices except a form of mutually assured destruction. I don't want to cause anymore distruction in the m, there's already been enough of that...I'd like to find a peacful loving way to resolve this problem.
In my relationship, my wife is still not HD, even though we now enjoy each other 4 or 5 times week. 4-5x a week? wtf are you complaining about? I'd be happy with 1-2x a week! In addition to the work she did in the relationship, I had to remove impediments that I had placed in the relationship in order for her to be more amenable toward me. I don't know what impediments I've placed in the r. At one point in time there may have been my resentment of his business that took so much out of him but now I show appreciation and understanding toward it. I used to resent his football watching becuase it took time and energy away from me but now I zip it and enjoy it..would even go to the games with him (season ticket holder even went to the superbowl) but "it's a guy thing" so instead I watch from home when I can, im his phone when they score to share a wooo hooo! fill his sports paraphanalia closet etc.
I would still love for her to desire me the way I desire her. Maybe that will happen one day, maybe not. I am perfectly capable of ML several times a day, BUT, it is my ego that thinks I will lose it if I don't use it, not reality. Reality tells me I can be happier with less - and my nuts won't atrophy and fall off. I can be happy without as well but would prefer to know he does at least desire me
I am not telling you to settle for less when he might be trying to starve you for the purpose of control - just for you to be sure which one it is. don't know what the other alternative is? but doubt it's concious control
How do you get information from someone unwilling to give it? Figure out how to make it worth their while to share. Then implement the incentive. he understands the LL concept...thing is I can't just start being a cold wife, I like to cook and clean and bake and pick him up stuff when I'm out...I like to make him feel good and appreciated...if I stop that? well it gets him a misserable wife and that's not all that attractive now is it?
In addition to the work she did in the relationship, I had to remove impediments that I had placed in the relationship in order for her to be more amenable toward me. I don't know what impediments I've placed in the r. At one point in time there may have been my resentment of his business that took so much out of him but now I show appreciation and understanding toward it. I used to resent his football watching becuase it took time and energy away from me but now I zip it and enjoy it..would even go to the games with him (season ticket holder even went to the superbowl) but "it's a guy thing" so instead I watch from home when I can, im his phone when they score to share a wooo hooo! fill his sports paraphanalia closet etc. 
