I have never ever believed it was okay to stay friends with ex boyfriends or husbands! It is too dangerous. They could be led on and hurt, you could be led on and hurt, your new boyfriend/wife could get hurt...so contrary to my current actions, I just cut the ties and go.
BUT if you don't want to be done with your ex, a friendship is good AS LONG as you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend and neither do they!
doesn't this make sense?
so maybe don't be friends with her while she is with OM? And tell her?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I will not be her friend. I did not marry her to be her friend. This is a cycle that I am going through. And the events over the last few weeks have been difficult. I really think that she has no concept anymore of what an adult relationship is and is a self centred condescending b*t*h. The bride is going down to the city next week for a conference. She is staying with ladybug for 3 days to see if they can bond before the wedding. Ladybug said 2 more months and then this wedding stuff is all over. The rest of the wedding party say 2 more months then this is all over. Poor bride. And what does ladybug ask bride to bring down for 3 days of bonding. Bathingsuit. OM is out of town for a few days so they can go over there and sit in a hot tub. Oh the irony. Wedding bonding at the adultery den.
No clue. And this is the woman I helped. I am frustrated with myself over this. Next time I am saying no. Deal with your own mess. But I will keep with being civil, nice and showing grace.
Other news... 2 good runs on the weekend. And 1 week to my first half marathon.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Will you keep the contact? Do you agree that contact=retachment?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Walked Queen West this aft. Had me some Chippy's (very good, thx for the suggestion) and walked all the way to Dufferin (which is where my condo is being built). Not sure if this your hood.. but if it is, I was enjoying a stroll with my D4 in that area today. Good luck on the half marathon if I don't speak to you this week!
Will you keep the contact? Do you agree that contact=retachment?
I am going to keep contact until the house is sold. I do not think contact has equalled reattachment. But I will think about it.
w2g
Those fries are great. And nice location for the condo. Up and coming area.... And so close to Chippy's Lots of nice restaurants and shops in the area.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
1. When you fixed your W's mess, that wasn't really about friendship, that something that you did out of a sense of obligation/being needed (I assume).
2. When your W talks about friendship, I don't know what she's thinking, but I assume that you believe that the friendship will come with obligations and expectations.
3. I agree with you that fixing stuff for her is probably not helpful for you right now, even if feeling needed by her may feel like a tiny rapprochement.
4. Any future friendship would have to be both realistic (low expectations) and nourishing to you (feels good, adds positive energy to your life). That may not be possible, of course.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Flowermom. 1. Obligation. Cleaning up her mess as being a horrible maid of honour. I blame myself for doing that. Part of my giver personality. I have helped her out 2 times now with this wedding. The obligation would fall towards both women though. Bride and groom are 2 of my closest friends. Next time I will be unavailable to put out her fire on the bridge. Lesson learned. It sets me back and makes me rather pissed off that i am covering for her lack of responsibilities here.
2. Ladybug has not mentioned friendship since the days of the bomb. I realize that I am setting the ground work for a bail out one way friendship here by my actions with the lunch after funeral and wedding. I do not want to become two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl.
3. Sometimes I actually think she set up this issue to contact me and see if I am still kicking. I was a sucker for the tears. Lesson learned.
4. No future friendship. I was her husband. I will be nothing more/less than that. It would not be fair on myself to continue such a toxic relationship.
Thank you my friend
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Cutter, I think you've crossed some big hurdles this weekend. Its always good to self evaluate! Don't beat yourself up for how you handled this - you aren't perfect!! (Sorry for the buzz kill ) You have handled everything really well so you are allowed to have a mis-step now and then. The good news is you realized you behaved in a way that you don't want to; and you know what you will do next time. Beyond that - you are amazing and should think of yourself as such!!
T
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
You sound really clear cutter. That's all any of us can hope for
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
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