Quote: ----------- and how exactly do I MAKE him tell me? do I sit on him? tie him up and put a light on him? stick bamboo under his finger nails? I mean how, since asking directly, indirectly, ultimatums etc don't get me an answer or solution? -----------
So he does like to be in control.
If he is smaller than you, you could always beat a confession out of him.
Seriously. Does this mean you are frightened that he will leave again? Is he holding you captive by his refrain from facing the truth?
Obviously, you don't like the idea of ultimatums. I understand the sentiment. Not wanting to issue them myself cost me a couple decades of peace. When I did finally decide that enough was enough, things changed quickly. I finally ditched most of my anger and got serious about resolving issues in my relationship. Sometimes it is easier for both parties in a conflict to resolve issues when there are no other choices except a form of mutually assured destruction.
In my relationship, my wife is still not HD, even though we now enjoy each other 4 or 5 times week. In addition to the work she did in the relationship, I had to remove impediments that I had placed in the relationship in order for her to be more amenable toward me.
I would still love for her to desire me the way I desire her. Maybe that will happen one day, maybe not. I am perfectly capable of ML several times a day, BUT, it is my ego that thinks I will lose it if I don't use it, not reality. Reality tells me I can be happier with less - and my nuts won't atrophy and fall off.
I am not telling you to settle for less when he might be trying to starve you for the purpose of control - just for you to be sure which one it is.
How do you get information from someone unwilling to give it? Figure out how to make it worth their while to share. Then implement the incentive.
I wish you all the best, LL. -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
