Your husband is in a very difficult situation that he chose to be in.
If I understand correclty, he is a father to both your child AND his affair partner.
Well. In my opinion he should be making visitation arrangements and support costs for his affair child, but NOT intereacting with OW at ALL. He should be finding an intermediary to handle all those arrangements, even if he has to pay for one.
THIS will leave him a LOT less stressed OUT and a LOT less confused about priorities.
He like many others having affairs views their marriage AND their affair on an equal footing - this does NOT help, it causes panic, and stress. Marriages are first and foremost in one's life. Father hood does NOT make one committed to an affair partner. He should have ended contact with her a LONG time ago.
Your problem 4luv is similar to mb28's. Your husband is stressed and confused, and has NO PRACTICAL GUIDANCE for living a good life... he's making all his decisions based on mood from the seat of his pants... having to make decisions based on impulse will in the long term just give him anxiety.
He needs a positive role model. You are a start to that, but he needs a GOOD therapist OR a GOOD FRIEND who will can set him straight. His driving all night thinking doens't help since his head is up his arse, its just making him ill. He needs to man-up, but he cant do that if there aren't any men around setting a good example for him.
IS there anyone you can get to speak with him?
The geurilla divorce busting video is a great start, but he needs a good friend to help him iron out the details... someone who can set him stragiht... my guess is he won't go to a family therapist...
You made the best choice you could be moving away from him until he gets his head straight... he's young and wasting a LOT of PRECIOUS TIME with his head up his a$$.
My advice is to get him some constructive role models if you can... friends of his that are open to you educating them about infidelity.. hopeing that they may gradually educate your H as well.
