You are consumed by the idea of your W "taking away" your D, but you dug your own grave. The only way to dig out is to start following the advice that you've been given in this thread.
I believe someone in my former thread advised me to go out on a date or two to build up my self esteem, which I did. People advised me to not contact my ex, which I'm now doing. People advised me to GAL, which I'm also doing. I've been adivsed to see an IC and get meds...all of which I'm doing. And since I couldnt give a care about being with my ex anymore, anything I'm doing now is certainly for me.
And as far as my IC goes, I've told him everything thats gone on, and he seems to feel that given whats happened my actions/reactions, while not the most prudent decisions, were understandable.
isnt it sad though...that I'm the one with family values who wanted to try and get/keep my family together in any way I could for myself and D3, and I end up being the bad guy. Because my ex is a woman, she has a right to change her mind and walk out on me and our family...she's allowed to do what she thinks will make her happy and anyone who gets hurt is just collateral damage. But if the situation were reversed and I had done it to her instead, I'd be the scum of the earth...again "the bad guy".
But if the situation were reversed and I had done it to her instead, I'd be the scum of the earth...again "the bad guy".
I've felt that before, NSW. Sometimes, I was the 'bad guy'. Sometimes not. I figured, writing on a blog, I'm bound to be misunderstood - especially when I'm trying not be too emotional, deal with MY problems (not hers) and how I see it...so the rough reactions...remember that the intention is probably to help.
I also figured, since we are all here, we must all do enough wrong or have been 'injured' enough in the process of being married to a spouse with issues to deal with.
Look for two things in the rough posts (IMO): - Not is there, but WHERE is some truth to what is being said? - Consider that your W may be seeing it that way.
I wouldn't give up just yet, but as always be selective.
[quote=flowmom] isnt it sad though...that I'm the one with family values who wanted to try and get/keep my family together in any way I could for myself and D3, and I end up being the bad guy. Because my ex is a woman, she has a right to change her mind and walk out on me and our family...she's allowed to do what she thinks will make her happy and anyone who gets hurt is just collateral damage. But if the situation were reversed and I had done it to her instead, I'd be the scum of the earth...again "the bad guy".
You need to quit worrying so much about what others think of you. Who are these others anyway? I think you're talking about your ex and her new man. Why would you care what they think?
You know who you are. Worry about what you think and do, then when you're in a good place you will be taking care of your little girl also.
M:40 W:40 2 teenagers ILYBNILWY: 09 January 2010 soon to be walking away my situation
I AM worried about my little girl now more than ever. My ex, in her new desire to be a supportive mom to D3, sends me a text message asking if D3 needs anything.
In the more than two months since she left, she hasnt given me a dime of support (even though I've had primary custody of D3) nor has she given me anything for D3 like food or training/pull up pants...but now that the proceedings have started she's trying to do all the things she should have been doing all along.
So she first asks me about getting pull ups for D3 that are the wrong kind. D3 wears the night time ones even during the day due to where she's at in potty training. So once I inform her of the right kind to buy, she then comes back saying they dont have her size...and the size she wanted to buy her was the wrong size!!! Her excuse was "oh I thought we bought the 4-5t ones because the other ones were too tight."
I told her that the (3-4t) ones fit just fine, and that if they're too loose they could end up leaking, and that if the 4-5t was the size she has been using over at her dads house then thats why D3's pull ups keep leaking and her pants get wet.
Come on...in these papers I was served it stated that she had "been the primary caregiver" of D3 (a lie) and she could "provide her with the love and affection" D3 needs...and she knows neither the right kind nor size of training pants she uses?
Then when my ex gets here to drop off D3, she starts talking about D3's first day of preschool tomorrow and how she bought her a bookbag and new pants and socks. (fun stuff...a bookbag...still no pull ups or other real necessities though)
My ex had a hissy fit the other day because D3 was wearing red socks that didnt match her outfit. I told her that the only other socks D3 had to wear were the short ones that my ex bought for her and buys for herself. So my ex snippily remakred that she guessed she'd have to buy her some long socks then.
At any rate, I start pulling stuff out of the shopping back, and when I get the socks out...it's another thing of 6 pairs of the low cut socks! I was beside myself. I asked her "you got her more low cut socks...in the middle of winter...when I specifically told you she needed more long socks to wear?" Her response was "oh I guess I grabbed the wrong pair off the shelf."
And this is not new behavior for my ex. Both she and her father have frequently gotten stuff for D3 that wasnt appropriate...either for her age...giving a 1 or 2 year old things with small parts that say for 3 or 4 and up. Her father even bought D3 boys clothes as a birthday present, despite them being over in the boys section and have a tag that said boys on them.
Another bonus that happened today...because of all the running around my ex and D3 did today trying to frind the wrong training pants, my ex didnt have time to wash D3's clothes before she brought her back like she's done the past week since her L probably advised her to start doing it. My ex's father and her fathers girlfriend smoke like a chimney, and when D3 comes back she always needs a bath and clean clothes because they smell like a bar.
Before I was served I didnt think to bag up the smokey clothes as evidence and after she started washing them I was afraid I wouldnt get another chance. But I did today...and the saddest part was, with all the running around they did today theres no way D3 couild have been at that house for more than 2 hours total but the clothes and D3's hair still stunk something awful. And if my ex gets primary/full custody of D3...I shudder to think what her little lungs are going to look like in a year of secondhand smoke exposure.
If my ex keeps this up...and I hope she does...its unlikely that any of of the crap I've been going on about over the last page or two will be necessary. Because then not only will I have been able to fight for D3...but I will have done so on somewhat of the high road.
Making such an issue about SOCKS is the high road?
i dunno...though I was speaking more of not resorting to revealing anything that could get my ex in trouble with the law and possibly send D3's mom to federal prison as taking the high road.
the socks issue is just a window into my ex's non-chalant parenting...something I have to prove to a judge rather than just say and hope I'm believed. And given what my ex and her L are going to sling at me to paint me in a bad light (stalker, harasser, unbalanced/unstable, etc.), I cant leave any stone unturned (within reason hopefully).
What exactly did your ex do that would warrant a stay in a federal prison? Of course, I am speaking within the scope of the law and NOT your opinion.
Honestly, I know your mad but you sound kind of nuts. A good attny would probably say your ex does not have a parenting problem but more a problem shopping. Verifying the correct size of pullups then going from store to store to locate the correct size and grabbing the wrong length socks hardly equal prison time. Thinking that those two issues offer a window into your ex's parenting style does sort of make you sound unbalanced. Certainly in YOUR life you forget a size or grabbed the incorrect package when in a rush? Start thinking like opposing counsel (or get yourself a better attny 'cause it sounds like you need one) and stop getting so caught up in these stupid details.
What exactly did your ex do that would warrant a stay in a federal prison? Of course, I am speaking within the scope of the law and NOT your opinion.
no the socks and pullups have nothing to do with that...and as I said this is the kind of thing my ex does all the time...not just an "oops moment"
my ex (and her father) has been getting paid under the table at her one job for years. depending on how that is seen, she could face fines, penalties, and imprisonment if they decided to make an example of her (and her father, and everyone else that works there). At the very least she will have a criminal record which is likely to affect custody.
I dont want that to happen, which is why I said I hope she keeps going like she is and I wont have to even bring that up.
Yes, you are correct. Your W will PERHAPS face some sort of financial penalty but jail time is very unlikely. The true offender will be the entity that is paying their employees under the table and that is where punishment by law *may* come into play. And what her father does has little bearing on her parenting style. If you are putting *all* your hopes in that basket, again, get a better attny.
Years ago I worked at the Marriott hotel and they (they = Marriott) were not correctly entering our tips as wages. The Marriott Corp. was fined something huge and was responsible for ALL the employees financial penalties.
At best your W would have to pay back taxes and penalty on any unclaimed wages from a sole source that exceeds 600.00 per year. Unless you are talking millions of dollars then it seems silly to even talk about it.
And if your ex does "stuff" like you mentioned "all the time" why not purchase what your D DOES need then ask your ex for 50% reimbursement. That is the high road then you won't have to worry about your D having the wrong size stuff.
OK so here's my take on the D3 issue in court - the courts do favor the mom but not if there's some reason to side with the dad. If you took care of D3 while W was away, then she came back, document how little time she spent and between what dates. Do the best you can if you missed your opportunity to do that. Document when she misses her time scheduled now. As far as W taking care of D3 now it seems she's rectified the situation and that's going to make it harder. The fact that she's asking if D3 needs anything could mean genuine interest in becoming a single parent. If you demonstrate the same while she is you'll have a lot better chance, at least at joint custody. If you get vindictive or shrug off responsibilities because of spite or even because W "has it covered" that's what will be your downfall. Make sure you keep your end of every bargain, visitation time, financial support, etc. and you should be fine. Included in that is not lashing out or letting your emotions get the better of you.
H28 | WAW24 | S8 | D5 | SD2 | D1 | T6 | M1 My Story | My Motivation
