Yeah, I've realized that she was keeping me hooked in for security, for ego boost, and as a back up in case things didn't work out like she planned. I've really let her go now, in a way I never have before. I am so much stronger and healthier for it too.
W left to spend two weeks in OM's country yesterday. I picked up the kids Saturday afternoon from W's house, and D6 and S8 were fine, and looking forward to spending time with me. D4 was having a very hard time, and eventually went and hid to try to stop it all from happening. We had to carry her out of the house screaming "No Mommy! Don't go Mommy! I want Mommy!" W tried to convince her that it would be ok, but once a four year old gets into a place like that, nothing you say matters, because they know you're just trying to convince them it's not so bad, when they know it is. I buckled her into the car seat, screaming and crying. I was civil with W, but I didn't say much, just took care of business. W walked away from the car and I said "Bye W", she replied "See ya". My daughter screamed and cried during the whole drive from W's house to mine. I struggled to keep myself composed, and felt extreme anger toward my W.
Later that day W forwarded me an e-mail from the woman in OM's country she's supposedly staying with, saying how she's looking forward to her visiting. I assume this is all to try to persuade me that she's not going there to see OM. At this point, why does she care what I think?
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Neither of them has ever seen the other's house, seen how they interact with another human being, much less their family members. They can be these two people who look great on the outside for a weekend, but mask tremendous inner pain and turmoil on the inside. Your W's affair seems at least that exotic--if not more.
I agree completely. OM has never seen the path of pain and destruction my W has left in her wake. Remember, she dumped her first H as well. OM thinks she's just wonderful, and nobody appreciates her.
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Future, your W needs to learn something. She's on a path to learn it. Maybe in 5 or 10 years you will both come full circle, but you can't be on hold. Your staying in her drama only fuels her addiction. You have to see her as she is RIGHT NOW.
Exactly. I have finally broken away enough to see this, and I am not going to be on hold. Life is too short and I'm starting to have too much fun.
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I wouldn't do the D before one year if it is going to cause MORE drama and cost you more, but Citygirl has the experience of your state and maybe you need to make a clean break sooner rather than later.
I don't think I need to push for the D. My wanting to was just as a way to get leverage over my W. As I'm letting it go, I just don't care all that much. As long as I can live my life without being all intertwined with hers, I'm fine. A legal separation gives me that.
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One of my New Year's resolutions was to have a date in 2010. But I've been thinking maybe that's the last thing I need--maybe my resolution should be NOT to have a date in 2010!
Dating is very good to regain your sense of worth, and to have fun. You have to keep it very light though, because the danger of the rebound R is very high, and then you've just got another heartache to deal with.
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Hope your gig went well! (PS, In your other thread, you asked about family time. I am doing one family time event a week for the kids. Tonight we are going to the movies together. So far, its not messing with my head--but part of it is that I'm looking at who my H is, really, right now, and I have no desire to be with him. The man he COULD be is really amazing, but who he right now has no appeal to me at all. Maybe someday he will become that amazing man, but for now, he feels like a 14 year old to me).
Thanks! As you probably read, it did go very well, and I'm looking forward to doing it again. I'm surprised you're doing planned family things. Last year I would've done it too, but now that I'm stepped back, I see it's not really a good thing, even though it might seem like that for the kids' sake. All it does is confuse them and prolong the inevitable. If your H isn't coming back, what's the point, and if he is, then he needs to declare that and ask you to take him back. Since he is the one that left the M, he should live with the consequences of leaving family time behind. If he still wants family time, he shouldn't have left the M.
