I just wanted to comment on what happens with the MLCers. They tend to have all sorts of unresolved childhood issues resulting from their family of origin dynamic--feelings of rejection, abandonment, inadequacy, unloveability, or whatever. These feelings are what they need to explore, accept, forgive, and be able to recognize in themselves when they're triggered.
Until they reach the point of being able to do that, their wounds are reopened when something you say/do "overlaps" with one of those painful feelings, and they're flooded all the pain they felt as a child. They blame it on you, not on their own triggers, hence their huge over-reactions.
To tell the truth, the same thing happened to me as an LBS--the abandonment I felt because of my MLC husband was soul-searing because it was overlapping the abandonment I felt when my parents didn't protect me from childhood abuse. I had to learn to separate current feelings from past triggers. Whenever I was even a little annoyed at him, my H would be triggered back to the child being physically and verbally abused by his mother, and also had to learn to separate core hurts from what was really being said in the present.
Right now, your H is still in a place where he's not ready to confront his past. Meanwhile, try not to take any of his abuse personally. Yes, you may need to get away from it. But don't let him make you feel bad about past episodes--really, it's the childhood ones that are the true source of his pain, even though it's the ones in your marriage which he blames.
