The feelings he's having are wayward spouse classics. He likely is experiencing stress and anxiety from the affair as well...
Most men and women I have talked to who had affairs have pointed out to me how stressed out they were most of the time, I am not at all surprised by your Husband's claims. He is very likley teling the truth.
The thing is, he needs to realize what he's feeling NOW is not an indicator of what he will be feeling like a year from now if he puts the work in. He has the idea that because he feels stressed out and miserable now and can't see anything else, that this is the way things MUST be. He thinks the future is limited to the scope of his stressed out imagination.
He needs to learn there is more to the world and his fate than how HE FEELS at this very moment.
No drama weekend is good, safety zones offter that one prize benefit.
When my wife was having her affair she told me she was really stressed out trying to make a decision. The sad thing is, the decision is very simple - you can't make one under current conditions :
From Dr Phil : It is unfair to compare a new, exciting, taboo fantasy relationship to one you've been in for years where there are kids, bills to pay, a house to run and noses to wipe. That is a ridiculous comparison.
Good news though! He is recognizing he can't do this on his own.
My advice at this point is to get a FAMILY THERAPIST who has READ GLASS and who will support YOU on securing a No Contact agreement.
The first step for the counselor is to :
1. Offer your Husband Hope 2. Help your Husband understand how his current situation is clouding his judgement 3. Help your husband understand that affairs are not love stories and they almost never end well if pursued 4. Invite your Husband to a No Contact with OW arrangement in order to explore the possibility of reconcilliation.
The FT MUST do these items IN this ORDER... if the skip any he will very likely BAIL on the counselling... HOPE should take one or maybe two sessions... It may take five or so before your H agrees to NC.
But this IS good news, he's willing to talk to someone. You COULD even suggest he watch the Guerilla Divorce Busting video I sent you.. I HOPE YOU WATCHED it... If THAT does not inspire HIM, I don't know what will...
Watch the video, let us know if you think your Husband would benefit from it.
Make sure you got to a family therapist, not some quack psycho therapist who can't even spell infidelity!
The best way to find out if a FT is expeienced with infidelity is to ASK them for the names of some good authors on infidelity.. ON THE SPOT.. if they can't name GLASS inside of a few seconds... DUMP THEM.
FT will TRY to help you and offer to do so even if they CAN'T, so be VERY CAREFUL... this is your marriage and is not to be tampered with by someone who doesn't know how to repair these sorts of problems...
You wouldn't take your car to a plumber for an oil change, don't take your marriage to a quack for a reconcilliation.
