how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

had a long but busy weekend. went through the full range of human emotions on saturday, while my dad, sister and cousin were helping me move the things that my H SHOULD have been helping me move. i was angry, i was hurt, i was sad, i was excited about my new space...i'd had a nice dinner with my H the night before and we had a hard time parting ways, but it was at least nice to enjoy his company and not talk about the R for once. i got myself mostly settled in to the new place saturday and saw my H again on sunday, we were both in the old place - him painting me getting the last few things out.

we ended up sitting on the floor of our empty bedroom together, facing the wall we'd painted a little over a year ago when we'd moved in. there were a lot of tears and he said a lot of things about how confused he was and sorry he was...obviously i know not to take it all to heart or to believe all of it, but he does seem to at least acknowledge his mistakes and isn't giving me the "i don't see us together in ten years" talk anymore. he owned up to a lot of things. i collected my last few things and left him alone in the apartment to paint.

finally got my last few things unpacked last night in the new place and am really liking the space. it doesn't feel like home at all, but i didn't really expect it to. we did talk again on the phone last night, again just talking and nothing heavy about the R. it's nice to have conversations with him that aren't related to our M again.

have plenty to keep me busy this week with a major event at work but he did ask to see me later in the week. i also told my family i'd have them over for dinner and plan to see an exhibit with girlfriends on friday, plus some yoga classes here and there. had to fill out an application to extend my lease and had a really hard time checking the "separated" box next to marital status. who knew they even had one of those?? that was a bit of a bummer...

but i'm still standing. getting ready for my service trip in 2 weeks and just taking it one day at a time.

nothing filed yet, either. not sure how to feel about that, but i'm not going to ask about it.