In my H's case, there were times during his Withdrawal phase (which for the most part meant that he was in his head a LOT, communicating very little with me) when he would want to tell me what he saw as the big questions he needed to decide on, or a bit about what was happening at counselling, or express doubts about something.
In responding, I tried to keep any R talks as short as possible, and to validate his reality (which was still rather distorted). I remember telling him calmly and understandingly that I could see that he wasn't sure he could live without the OW, and might have to chose to move to her city, away from us. I think that helped to make him see that he really couldn't cake-eat forever as he'd hoped, and that I was moving on.
So, essentially, respond to his cues. I came to dread the times he wanted to talk, because all that confusion was so difficult to listen to--and then next time I saw him he'd be in a completely different headspace anyhow.
