Doing hard time on the MLC chain gang.

[MHL]

DW,
Yes, lots of baby steps but I had a backslide of sorts on Friday and then again last night. As I had said about a week ago I did not feel like I was Dbing and was “off the page” in the DB playbook. I was hesitant to post details previously b/c I did not want everyone to think that I was getting results with something other than good DB efforts.

After getting off the phone with my wife last night (I pushed a bit) I started second guessing myself and went back to DR reread some chapters, and found that Michele says to try something different if what your trying is not working. I was going with the limited contact and no initiating contact for quite sometime and wasn’t seeing much difference after several weeks. I changed things about 3 to 4 weeks ago and started being very friendly with my W, accommodating and supportive. So I felt better after rereading those chapters b/c that is what I have done, I changed what I was doing and have seen some reactions.

Basically I have been her husband in that I am providing for her needs, yes it has been cake eating but she started to open up to me and we started having discussions about the past w/o anyone getting upset. We have been seeing each other with my son present more and more, and she is coming out to the house more.

The negative in these things is that is upsetting to my D13, she does not want Mom in the house nor to see her or anything, in fact D13 told me “It makes me mad when you are nice to Mom”. This has been a difficult choice for me b/c I know that ultimately the best thing for my D13 would be for me and Mom to reconcile. Not interacting with my W b/c it upsets my D13 is a not an option right now and I hate to put my D13’s feelings on the sidelines but the benefits to the my S9 and the possibility of reconciliation outweigh what my D13 wants right now. Some of my D13’s behavior I attribute to her being 13 also.