It seems like you have a very detailed approach to solving this problem. You have isolated several of the problems and are dealing with them individually. You are doing very well and should be proud of that. However, we can't change them, only us. Keep taking care of you and your needs. That should help keep the anger and resentment to a minimum. Those emotions were eating me alive. It almost made for a WAW and then it had us heading towards a SSM. I addressed the SSM issue head on and we saw a C. The C got us no where but I didn't quit. We got into some very intense discussions that were quite frank and fairly "dangerous".
They were dangerous because I made it clear in a reasonable way that I wouldn't continue in status quo. She was very defensive about this and seemed to be digging her heels in. I finally backed off because I had said all I had to say and made all the good arguments I knew. It was time to back off. It was a week of cold shoulder and then a surprise romantic evening. My response was to make more efforts to speak her LL to which tried harder to speak mine and so on. We went from near WAW to recovery to near SSM to near D to M bliss.
Just wanted to share a success story as motivation to not give up on your dream of a good M. Take care of your mental and physical health first and foremost. This is basic DBing but it still applies. A sexy, caring and confident woman is dangerous. There is nothing more appealing than those qualities. If that doesn't get your H attention he can't be helped. If the two of you refuse to take care of the others' needs the M is done. Someone has to start trying even harder and the other S has to follow. I was very lucky that it worked out that way for my M and now I can't see it stopping. We just keep doing more and more for each other and it feels great. You may have to extend yourself even further before he reciprocates. Once you have done all that you can do, do a little more, then a little more. If he comes around, great, if he doesn't, a decision has to be made.
It is pretty much a case of doing the LRT and being prepard for the consequences. It could be great or it could be the end and you need to be prepared for both.
