This is not the relationship we should have. I know I will never understand.
I remember thinking this same thing many times while watching crazy stuff go on...then I came to the realization that there would be many things I would NEVER understand....so, in time, I let them go..and can't remember half of them anymore.
It actually looks things are fairly level for now; except, from your own admission, so many things bothering you, things people say, etc.....get through those type of feelings; and leave them behind, continue to detach and distance, but at the same keep half an eye on the situation.
Quote:
Shoveled the part of my driveway that the snow plow couldn't do (7 more inches of snow). Was friendly. Later he texted to ask if I needed anything from the store since he was out and would be bringing the kids to me later. He knows I don't drive in the snow if I don't have to. I answered that I didn't need anything.
There looks like a connection is still there, somewhere, or he wouldn't have thought of asking you anything about getting you something from the store, AND shoveling your driveway. The responsibility toward you still seems to cling to him in spite of all he's feeling.
Continue to wait and watch, detach and distance from his drama; let go of the rest; working on yourself.... Test the waters from time to time..and if you're rejected, take it with a grain of salt, back off, regroup, try again another time; and that also goes for attempting to "flirt" with him, smiling at him..act as if you're happy all the time, even if you don't feel it....They really are drawn to happy people; and it can be infectious.
There is hope as long as you love him; and are still willing to hang in there, and that is what you've indicated.
Sort the garbage when he runs off at the mouth; the truth is in there, somewhere...and again, you have to keep remembering that he is not himself right now; and I realize that's hard; as I've made mistakes, too, and thought I'd lost it all at several points.
The anger that comes out of nowhere, is confusing, but is HIS problem, don't make it yours. Yet, you already know there's no rhyme or reason on that...and you already know NOT to internalize it. You will know when you've actually caused a burst of anger by what you say...I always knew when it was me that brought it on, or when it had NOTHING to do with me at all..but something in him that I didn't understand.
Hang on to yourself, and know this too, shall pass in time.
Kindness CAN go a long way, and I always heard and actually did this.."Killing them with kindness"...they may STILL get angry, but don't take it personally.
One final thought for today....no one will ever have everything exactly the way they want it, not even the WAS in MLC. The dissatisfaction on both sides is evident, in every situation and shows clearly. Something new can be built out of the ashes of an old life, but only if a person is willing to let go of the old and embrace the new.
Have a great day, Sweetie, and know that you are someone of great value...and don't let anyone tell you anything different or make you feel otherwise.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
