Hi Friends, Hope you all had a nice weekend! I've been so busy/consumed with moving lately that I haven't really had time to deal with the filing issue, but something that is still in the back of my mind. Goodness - so much to be done but taking it one day at a time. I sold my car on Saturday...this may sound cheesy but I was really proud on myself. H used to take care of this kind of stuff. Put on craigslist and hours later it was gone. Huge relief. At one point I felt nervous and wished H was there - things like getting in car with a stranger to test drive. But I used my gut and sold it to a wonderful couple w a baby (man had gone through D himself years before). So major check off my list b/c I was worried I'd be dealing w that last minute. Moving is a lot of work, and I've always had H deal w most of the stuff around our past 3 moves. So good test for me to tackle everything on my own, I guess. Then some much needed down time this weekend and starting to think about boxes, cancelling memberships, etc etc. Have also gone on a few dates lately which has been a ton of fun, there are some great people out there and I'm learning so much more about myself.
As to filing stuff, definitely better to do in MA. (actually even if we filed up to a year from now, it would still legally need to be a MA divorce (up to a year from where you last resided)...plus I'd could be much more screwed fin'lly doing it in CA. Yes I still toy with this. It's exactly the patterns my H showed in our M, waiitng for me to take care of certain things. Talked to IC about last week, and we talked about how even though I don't want this it may ultimately be what I need to do to take responsibility for my life and formally move on.
So I find myself still a tad nervous about sending the email I had crafted a few posts back. I'm pretty sure it's the right thing to do, but I know it'll inevitably open up the filing discussion again. Part of me is yikes! Part of me is, stop being scared! Take your life back. Yes we are legally still M but this is not a M. I had many questions about the respect issue few posts back b/c I want to figure out what is the best path for me to get H's respect: being amicable/agreeable, or being a bit more tough-line with him? I've read a lot of other posts where the 'tough' love stuff has been very successful, not tolerating H's that walk out, have affairs, aren't committed etc. But I don't think that will make much diff in my sitch now. I keep trying to think 'what is best for me' as my guiding factor here, as I figure out what approach to take. Advice and feedback welcome here!
Overall I am in a much better place. The moments will come and go...even cleaning some stuff out on Fri I came across old notes and pics from my bachelorette party, wonderful cards from H. Got a little teary eyed, but that lasted 5-10 mins max and I went back to getting things done. Woke up feeling happy the next day. These past 6 months overall I know I've been in a much better place than the first 6 months of last yr (those were rough!)..I definitely had a set-back last month, but it only lasted about a week overall, with a couple days in particular being the roughest (that's often when I come on to this site). Interesting seeing my friends in NYC the other weekend, they were like "you seem SO much better" It felt good to hear b/c I don't always feel that way myself. Day to day I do not feel myself pining for H anymore; I'm excited about what the future holds, but this final final 'letting go' is still a tad hard (more when I think of the good memories and the bigger picture stuff). All else is going fine and I keep pushing myself to get out there and meet new people. Peace to all. -hhh
