Corri is just wonderful isn't she? She got you started on writing those goals. I think you have done really well and have found new direction and a new starting point.
Its funny she got us mixed up earlier on but not only are our acronyms similar, our sitch is quite identical too. Your H sounds pretty much like mine and both (mine and H's love languages sound like yours and Hs too!)
We are both SAHM with little ones, married to LD Hs who's had an A. My H too is the kind of guy who is perfectly happy and rarely complains and just wishes that I will stop complaining and just enjoy what we have the way he is. The only thing that stops his enjoyment is me complaining it seems.
The only difference is that H had a PA. Boy was I pissed about that one. I was 7 1/2 months pregnant at the time when I found out. Although the A was over then it was still hard to deal with. I so needed the reassurance of intimacy with H which he could not give me and so I turned inward and became very unhappy with myself. At the time of the A, H only initiated things like once a month. I was ok with it because I thought he was busy with work and I really felt awful when I found out that he had been having these heavy petting sessions with coworker (OW) during lunch hour and after work. So of course I turned inward and thought it must be ME, ME that he didn't want, ME that wasn't good enough for him.
Its taken a lot of hard work to come to this point where I am now to be able feel secure enough to say, no its not ME. H has accepted full responsibility for his indiscretion and assured me that its all his fault and nothing to do with me. I had asked if there was anything I could change about myself to prevent a future occurance.
Anyway the point is, like Corri said its important to let go. Important to get back to feeling secure about yourself, enough to let go of the past hurt, not dwell on it any longer, its over, so what if he did not tell you the entire truth (for whatever reason, maybe he feels the truth is too hurtful to you or he is too afraid to admit his own faults -whatever, its over. It no longer matters. What matters is he is home and your future together. Work on that. Why should you continue to let a PAST hurt continue to hurt your M in the future?) And don't, don't ever equate the lack of intimacy to his lack of feelings for you. Thats a classic putting yourself down for you know it is not that way at all. You speak different love languages that is all. I am going to throw back at you what you once said to me. Listen harder to your H's love language. Why don't you start by listing down all his love languages to you right now?
Also, try to think back about what was different about yours and his behaviour when he first came back. What did you do? What did he do? And How did you spend your time together then as compared to now. Maybe that will give you some light as to why there was more intimacy then.
I have to go feed my daughter now. Its lunchtime for me here but will give your sitch more thought. Take care. LH
