Yes they do. I'm going to seriously be doing some of those things to my W.
As for it being an EA, when this happened, my W just said flat out that she had feelings for her boss and wanted to leave us for him. End of story. She never explained why or what was wrong with our M. It was just, he is what I want and that's that.
She promised to go to C with me at that time and told me that she didn't tell him about her feelings. That was a huge lie because a month later I found a note that she wrote to him about how he was her soulmate, made her spirit soar, etc. Ugh. Makes me sick just thinking about it.
I think she's still looking for that "soulmate" feeling. And the "being in love" high.
How to do that again is my challenge. I wish the OM had retired while my W was living at home. Then I would have more of a chance to work on her and improve our communication. As it is, her sister pretty much provides her with a place for my W and the kids to live and is even looking at getting a bigger place for them. So she is enabling this behavior. Plus I think for her it's a safe haven. She doesn't have to deal with our R. Running.
As much as that "enabling" seems to be terrible; it is not. First off, giving her space helps you in some ways. (No, not all ways, but you only have so much control here, so use it where you can and make this as positive as you can!)
With the time apart, rather than day to day contact, it is MUCH easier to see change in the other person. New hair, clothes, behaviors and wondering what you are doing with YOUR free time do matter. Be mysterious when you can.
Plus do you really want your wife to feel "trapped" into making it work with you? NO you don't. She's resent you more as time passed and you'd set a crappy example to your kids. Plus, I found meeting with a L very empowering, b/c it meant that I was CHOOSING to stay m, not out of fear, but out of duty and love and commitment and loyalty, and i like those reasons....food for thought.
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
