I think I'd rather be dead than this- WAW

[Quart9]

Thank you GH31, Gnosis, Sportsfan, and Puppy Dog for all of your replies. I'm taking the info and advice that I have received from each of you into account.

I feel like this is a death sentence for our relationship and I'm pretty sure she does too. I really don't think there is a way I could trust her again. I guess I am lucky that she admitted it and I feel like it has given me some closure. Though now that she has admitted it, I just don't think I can feel the same for her again.

Its crazy because despite all of this it STILL seems like getting over will be tough. A lot of it is the stupid day-to-day things and little stuff I remember about her/us. Am I going to compare the women I meet in the future to her and (despite what she has done) will I find someone better?

I talked to my Dad tonight and he said it took him almost 8 years to get over my Mom (she didn't cheat on him that I know of). He says he still thinks about her sometimes. Both of my parents have been married four times each. My Dad just got divorced from his last wife and my Mom and step-dad are in jeopardy of splitting up now too. I just don't want to repeat this pattern ya know.

I'm absorbing this - most of what I have felt IS anger because I think I am all grieved out really. I keep getting this repeat mental image of her doing it with another dude! Yeah, she was missing something from me and our marriage and she went found it in someone else - in a smokey bar on a Carnival Cruise to Ensenada, Mexico (I think I just threw up in my mouth a little). And you guys are right, she is rewriting marital history, but I will own up to my half screwing it up - but no more(Amen Puppy).

Tomorrow I am skipping class and making a B-line to my attorney. I think now its gonna be a race to see who files first. I just pray that she doesn't find a way to put a restraining order on me and spoil my chances at spousal support. I'm also going NC until we are required to talk due to the D, filing our taxes, whatever. She hasn't been talking to me recently anyhow and I don't expect that to change.