She must be seeing a lawyer...what now?

[Sister]

((Awoken))

So glad you had a good day yesterday! You are such a wonderful Dad and your kids will always remember these moments.

Somehow, I a little less concerned about losing my day to day contact with D17 and S13.

Glad you're starting to feel this way. They will be grown before you know it anyway.

[Awoken]

Well, I made it through the weekend.

W spent Saturday away from home, and spent the night out somewhere else. S13 had a band clinic all day Saturday, and a concert today.
W and I had already agreed that I would pick him up saturday, and take him to and from the concert today.

D17 and I both attended the concert. W showed up too, coming from who knows where. D17 and I were dressed casually but nice for the concert. W showed up in workout clothes. I know everyone says this about their WAS, but she did not look good: thin, gaunt, and weathered. She sat with us, D17 in the middle.
We didn't speak a word. It must be difficult for D17. She spent time talking to both of us, but held my hand. I thought this must be uncomfortable for W too.

There was no cell reception in the auditorium, and W left several times to use her phone. duh. I suppose that's better than having her do it right next to us. Of course, I'm assuming a lot here. She could just be texting with her pro-divorce friends. When the concert was done, W bolted for the door with only a muttered "goodbye" to the two of us.

I'm disgusted and tired. I know I've only been at this for four months, and many of you have been here so much longer. I'm worried that my detachment is taking me to a place with busting this divorce matters nothing to me. My urge right now is to call my lawyer first thing in the morning and find out what we can do to get the process moving. I know she has not heard back from my w's lawyer.

I still believe in marriage; I still don't think divorce is the way the handle problems in a marriage. Pushing the divorce now, could be what I need to do to show W what she stands to lose. But on the other hand, maybe I need to draw the divorce process out as long as possible?

I have to consider the continued risk of her drinking and being of meds, but so far it does not appear to be getting worse, and maybe it's improved a little.

This feels like a crossroad decision: push the divorce or try to wait it out.
Friends, what are your thoughts?
I'm hoping a few more of you veterans will chime in this time.

[luvless]

Does it make you feel better that I am in the EXACT same boat? I'm going on about 3 months now and I'm feeling pressure to file but also think about waiting it out just a bit more.

I'm disgusted and tired too feel you more than anything. I too am also worried that getting too detached will push me towards no turning back. I guess that's why I haven't totally detached because of that reason.

I'm hearing you A....loud and clear. I can't offer you advice but I needed to let you know I'm where you're at emotionally and chronologically.

Oh...and btw - my H looks like crap right now too. It's not just me either it's everyone saying he doesn't look himself (he's gained 18 lbs)

[Awoken]

(((luvless)))

I can't say it makes me feel better as I'm sorry you're in the same place as me! The detachment makes some of this easier to handle, but it comes with its own drawbacks doesn't it?

hang in there.

[luvless]

Thanks A -

I'm on the alt if you need to talk.

Hugs back.

[flowmom]

(((Awoken)))

I'm not a vet but hopefully the bump helps .

[Gardener]

Awoken,

I'm disgusted and tired... My urge right now is to call my lawyer first thing in the morning and find out what we can do to get the process moving.

Invoke the 48-hour rule. In fact, if you're disgusted and tired, take no actions at all until the disgusted and tired is gone (or at least lessens a bit).

Other than that, no real advice for you sitch-wise right now because...
I'm disgusted and tired.

[Sister]

Invoke the 48-hour rule. In fact, if you're disgusted and tired, take no actions at all until the disgusted and tired is gone (or at least lessens a bit).

Yes, this.

Pushing the divorce now, could be what I need to do to show W what she stands to lose.

I think this could help wake her up, but you have to be ready for the outcome if this doesn't happen.

I have to consider the continued risk of her drinking and being of meds, but so far it does not appear to be getting worse, and maybe it's improved a little.

Don't kid yourself here - until she gets some REAL help, the problem is still there. It just hasn't reared it's ugly head lately. It doesn't matter that it "does not appear to be getting worse" - it's bad enough as it is. Of course, she's the only one that can help herself. Just keep in mind the effect on your kids.

((Awoken)) Hang in there.

[givingitmyall]

A,

Limbo is no place to be. Walk two paths - one that allows the door to remain open to working on the M (if you want that AND she is willing to DO THE WORK) and the other moving on with your new life.

She is either coming back or she's already gone. I don't think she will decide to come back as long as the status quo remains unchanged. But, this cannot be the reason you are moving forward. You are moving forward for YOU, and no other reason.

[Awoken]

Thanks Sister!

Thanks Gima:
I agree with what you are saying. I think it's possible for me to continue with my own life, and not hasten the divorce, as hard as it will be. At this point, I have almost nothing to do with W, except for co-parenting and splitting house bills. It looks like little of that will change once we D, except I we will not share a home.

I think my question still stands, but I'll think hard about what you said. Thanks as always, my friend.