first, I want to thank you for taking the time to help me here.
Quote: Listen to yourself here. He has given you his answer, but you are the one still in doubt. Take him for his word and move on. You are forgiving him for exactly what he has told you. Period. If some other information is brought to light in the future, deal with it then. Don't go borrowing trouble. You are going to have to find a way to let this one go.
Or, is it that you still WANT to be mad at him?
I don't WANT to be mad at him, but there is a bit of me that is still feeling resentful over feeling like I got screwed. I was after all unhappy with the r and upon learning about his "friendship" and dealing with his leaving let feelings fester of "I'm the one who should have done it".
My fear of letting the question of was it a pa rest is that I don't want to get comfortable believing him and then learn a different story. You are right though, no point in waiting for the other shoe to drop, when/if it does I will deal with it then.
Quote: Bingo. There is the beginning to your answer. She helped make him feel good about himself. She made no demands, laid down no expectations. He could be himself and was not criticized for all that he 'wasn't' doing.
I know I know, but if he WAS giving me what he was giving her I wouldn't have criticized. Now I'm put in a position where if I'm not getting what I want I still feel I cannot express it to him for fear of making him again feel that he's not good enough. Tough position to be in as I feel I'm not good enough and when asking for reassurance am somehow sending the message that he's not good enough. UGH!!
Quote: Remember, anger is a defense mechanism in our 'fight or flight' interaction with our environment. Anger is there to send a signal to whatever or whomever is trying to hurt us to STAY AWAY.
I've expressed to him many times that my anger is primarily based in fear. H assures me that I have nothing to fear anymore...so then why am I still afraid? guess that gets back to trust.
Quote: So you're telling him you want to be closer, but your actions are screaming at him to stay away. You are like a rider kicking your horse to gallop, yet at the same time you are yanking back on the reins. He doesn't know what to do, so, like a horse, he just stands there and feels all jumpy.
But you gotta be careful of this, because like a horse, he is going to reach his limit and try to get you off his back so he can bite you in the butt for all that kicking and yanking.
So which is it? Do you want to be mad at him, or do you want to be close to him?
things go best when I back off and just treat him like a friend...but then when I wish there was more (ie h being more physical) I wonder if I'm being jipped and start to feel afraid wich inturn pushes him away.
Quote: Girl!!! He DOES want to be with you!! He came back, he's in the house with you, he LOVES you. Believe it or not, YOU are the one being unclear here, not him.
damn it, you made me cry!! I don't "think" that I'm being unclear but "know" that I am when I start letting my fears show through.
why do I think that all these feelings would be resolved if h would just show more interest physically?
