HDwife...I know that no one will feel sorry for *me* saying this...but I KNOW EXACTLY how you feel. YES I get the mind blowing sex and YES my husband is an amazing sex partner, I get all the bells and whistles, etc. My sex life rocks, yes it does.
HOWEVER....my sex drive is through the roof, and if I don't initiate and push for it, then we only have sex as often as HE wants it, which is 1x per week, sometimes more but many times LESS...add in to that, he doesn't want sex during my period, so there is always one week of no sex for sure each month. Lets break it down then: if it goes by his sex drive, that's once per week or less sometimes, and none on "that" week...meaning sometimes I would get sex twice in one month and that's all. This has happened more than once to me, so I know it will happen again any time I'm off guard and not making sure he knows I NEED IT MORE THAN THAT.
And just like you are describing, when I don't get it often enough, I get feeling so crappy, edgy and bitchy that I just want to check out. I want to run away from him and from my life and just pout in a corner somewhere. I don't like him, I feel angry with him, and I want to stop meeting any of his needs. When he is all happy and chipper I want to punch him. I feel like I am dying and that there is nothing anyone can do about it...oh wait...except my HUSBAND who could easily make me all happy and chipper again but he seems not to notice my mood nor why it might be happening...EVEN THOUGH we have had dozens and dozens of conversations about it! I slip into a self-defeating depression, and I even start searching out other destructive habits to do ANYTHING to make myself feel better (such as, I don't smoke cigarettes anymore, but I will start up again once in a while when he hasn't been taking care of my needs...and then I just feel lousy about myself but it does somehow take the edge off of my "pain" a little tiny bit...but why the F do I have to SMOKE when my husband is right there and could simply meet my needs so I wouldn't even feel the desire to smoke?)
I have a couple of close female friends who I can confide in about this - - when I'm feeling all crazed and crappy about going without for too long...and they know me really well so they kind of understand me...but neither of them have a sex drive like mine, so they say things like "go to the gym" or "meditate" or "go shopping". They mean well, but as you know hdwife, none of these things will actually meet your need for sex and intimacy, they will simply distract you for a short time. One of my friends says I should try to channel my sexual energy into some kind of artistic expression, which can help sometimes if I have something I am working on. But again, it won't do much more than distract me.
For some of us, sexual intimacy is a NEED, not a want. I feel like I'm starving or dying of thirst when he takes it away from me. Meanwhile, he feels just fine, happy and confident that he'll get sex again when that need hits him. It just hits him less often...it hits me every freaking day. No matter how I tell him, he forgets about my need.
Now...as I said on my thread...I have finally had a bit of luck (after conversations and trying and begging and counseling on and off for 6 years) in getting him to realize that no matter if he forgets, my need never stops and I will remind him and when I do, he needs to remember and take care of me right away. There are still times when he forgets, but at least as soon as I remind him he is all over it. This is the best its been since we've been together but...this only came about because I demanded that he commit to me that he will work with me on it, and also because I am willing to remind him constantly.
The "something" beyond sex you are starving for is connection, intimacy, bonding, and true communication. This isn't something that you should have to go without, which is why your spirit cries out so loudly when its missing. This is much more than just needing a release or an orgasm, because if that's all you need then masterbating makes the feeling go away.
I am very fortunate in that the sex we do have is very connected, very tantric, very mind blowing...and we really do have a constant solid connection all day, every day. I wouldn't trade my marriage for anyone else's. But I have to realize that I am not like all other people....having a huge sex drive means that I will likely always feel that yearning and sick, horrid feeling...because my husband is just never going to have a high drive like mine. His is normal, mine is through the roof.
I DO understand you. I start feeling that crappy feeling about 2 days after we've had sex and it stays with me, getting ever worse, until we have sex again.
One of my girlfriends suggested I do a pole dancing class. Yeah, just what I need. To drive my sexuality out of my body and express it, along with some strippers, rubbing around on a pole, in slutty shoes. Not for me, thanks. That would make me literally crazy, as if I'm not already sex crazed enough all the time. I would just come home demanding sex, and my husband wouldn't allow it anyway. He knows better than to let me out of the house with the intention of humping a pole!
I actually have done pole dancing before...so I know exactly what to expect. It would be a great suggestion for a low drive wife. Not so great for someone who can barely contain her sex drive all the time as it is!
