Hate to do this go you, gal, but you didn't answer my question. You told me what you think 'she' was getting out of it, but you didn't tell me what you think your 'h' was getting from the encounter. sorry for that, thought that in expressing what she got you could see what he was getting. so then what was he getting? someone who thought he was wonderful, he got to be the knight in shining armor, the good guy, the guy looked up to, she was a cheerleader for him, someone who was happy just to have him there (well gee after all what woman wouldn't like the attention) I know you are pissed about the whole thing. I don't blame you. I don't really give a crappola what the OW got from the experience as she is a loser, and we both know that. then why do I feel like the loser?
What was going on in your lives that H's attention was able to be diverted, we had just moved into a new home, started trying for second child, his parents were selling their home (the home he grew up in) his sister was getting married and having a child, then not having a child and not getting married, then getting married, then not etc. his business was thriving, he took a shot at getting back on the fire dept but was turned down (claimed it to be no big deal, if he really wanted to persue it he could have) and what do you think he was getting from it? as stated above, someone who was always happy to hear from him and expected nothing from him at all (how could she, she had no right to expect anything from him he was after all just her landscaper why should she care what time he got home from work or if he saw son or not for days as a result of working too much)
You also made some other intersting points here; what he says happened, and whether you believe him.
There is still a forgiveness issue going on with you; because if you'd truly forgiven him, it wouldn't matter to you one way or another. What would matter to you is from this day forward. I just want to know what I'm forgiving him for. should it matter at this point what happend? will he pay extra if he DID do anything with her? no it's just that I would like to know and thus far his answer leaves me wondering. It's like this...if there are cookies missing from the cookie jar and I forgive my son for taking them but he didn't take them well that's not fair is it? however if he did take them and just doesn't want to fess up and I forgive him that's a tad different isn't it? becuase forgiving doesn't mean forgetting I'd just like to know what I'm putting in the past is all.
So you are still dealing with palpable anger, trust and forgiveness issues. I'm sure he is picking up on that. I'm not blaming you in the least, but can you see how you may still be contributing to this endless cycle? I know that I contribute to the cycle by being reserved and scared but what can I do about that when the reassurance of h's fully and passionately wanting to be with ME isn't displayed?
