*Some nights are sleepless.. fretting about the lack of money, will the house sell, how low will I go.
Oh, friend, whenever you get like this, call me! Day or night or wee hours. Really! This is my daily life*, too, right now. Call! If we can't come up with any solutions, we can at least laugh - or cry - about it together!
*Forgot to clarify and remind myself that this is my life situation right now, not my life. Big difference!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
My son repeatedly asked me if I'd told his dad about our dog dying. "Yes, I did.. I texted your dad as soon as I'd told y'all, all the kids."
After responding to an email on the business of copays, etc, to the former spouse, I sent a separate short note describing Tiggy's last months. During the marriage she was good naturedly called "his girlfriend" because of the loving affection he'd bestow on her.
I received a reply saying he didn't like talking to me, that he'd get whatever information he needed from the kids.. and that the email was pathetic.
Nothing new. I just have to remember it. Less is more and nothing is often the best.
hey Gyps, he obviously does not like your prose as much as we do. You need to ignore him. Just contact for the strict minimum...finances, kids etc. In all honesty a text message or e-mail giving him the news is fine but an e-mail describing the last months is a little much in my opinion Gyps. I don't condone his reaction but it is obvious that he wants to put that part of his life behind him. I agree with K...do not allow it....please avoid him....turn the page....concentrate on you and the kids.
Ack... I get it.. I get it.. He's an angry man and lashes out. Thanks for the perspective of "putting that part of his life behind him".
And I guess feeling like I was doing a 'noble' thing, i.e., providing background so he'd understand what the kids were going through was unneeded.
And I did reread the letter. It's something appropriate for a friend, not a contentious former spouse. Oops.
I asked my daughter what was up with her dad, as far as seeing each other. "We've both been really busy." was her reply. I can count on one hand how many times they've seen each other since July. The last visit was breakfast at a diner with all the kids close to where he lives. Part of me wants to point out that she has only one dad. The other part says hush and listen. Right now I'm hushing.
GET THIS CRAP BEHIND YOU, Kathleen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I received a reply saying he didn't like talking to me, that he'd get whatever information he needed from the kids.. and that the email was pathetic.
Geez, are you sure you weren't married to STBXMRSSP in drag? Meh. Wattevah -- it's all displacement. He can't cope so he turns it into a shortcoming of yours so that he can focus on that instead of the real feelings.
We can't make them be who we thought they were any more than they can do that for us. Bill is not lovely and warm or even particularly kind. You, my dear Katie, are one of a kind, a real gem.
Don't let him bring you down. I would keep any contact to the absolute minimum. You can't make him be a good Dad. What happens there is between himself and his children. You are their Mom. The strong rock they can count on. Keep that focus and you will be fine.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Funny how former spouse put-downs lead to inner positive outcomes.
First.. having all of y'all as a sounding board is incredible. And the sound advice permeates through my obstinance.. or shall I say .. denial!
Pathetic. Put it behind him.
Those two words went a humming in my mind.
For example.. I had to ask for the former spouse's signature on some papers for the mortgage modification program. At the same time I decided to hit city hall for the Quit Claim on the deed, the Courthouse a few towns away for a certified copy of the divorce decree and modification order.
I thought... I'll just ask former spouse if he'd like to me to pick up a copy of the modification (which he'd talked about when we had it done).
No, no, no. That's what a wife would do.
Maybe I'll text former spouse to see if he'd like me to pick up a copy for him.
Uhhh... no, no, no. You're still acting like a spouse, anticipating his needs.
Well.. I WOULD do it for a friend. Maybe I'll ask former spouse if he'd like a copy of the modification.
Geeezz... no, No, No... I don't care if you're a nice person, Kathleen... and that you would do it for a friend.. even a neighbor.
UhhhHHhHHhhHhHHhHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
UhhHHhhhHHhhhhHHHHHhhhhh (along with the sound of my 'but I'm a good nice person.. that's what I do' gears shirring)
OhhHHHhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
It's not about him, about friends, about exes, about spouses, neighbors, et al..
It's about ME being independent. Thinking for ME and what I need!
Sheesh.. so that's what's been so .. well not really pathetic.. but a concept that never entered my mind.
Take. Care. Of. My. Needs. before fiddle faddling about anyone else's.
Uhh, yes.. and no need to ever be concerned about former spouse again.
