in nov of 2001 when dd was 3 months old h called saying he'd be late had to give someone a ride ala disclosure of secret friendship he'd been carrying on with female customer for some time. we talked of D for a bit and he spent some nights at his parents while I stewed. We decided to not d but realized things needed to change. we started going out weekley and also having sex weekly!! (h has been ld for many many years prior to the start of "friendship" with ow and he still denies ever being physical with her)
by april of 2002 h decides he can't do this anymore and moves out (I find out later that he continued friendship with ow who is/was married with two children)
by june of 2002 h gives me the "I love you I'm not in love with you line" and says "yes I want a divorce" I find db and this bb (thus the close to 5000 posts)
in july of 2002 I speak to ow (I had spoken to her several times during this whole sit, she claims they are just friends and gives the line "thought we are capable of being friends that doesn't mean we are right for a relationship" and also says "I'm not leaving my h, maybe someday I will I haven't been happy for a long time, but no I'm not leaving my h"
by aug of 2002 ow is asking her h for a d
by late sept 2002 my h is claiming to be confused and feeling like he is in hell and wants to come hom
by christmas 2002 h is home ow is still a customer her house is put on market in april 2003 but doesn't sell. Don't know if she is still planning to d her h. My h claims she is just some one he takes a check from and has nothing to do with...he doesn't go there alone and she is not there when he goes (he's a landscaper)
when ssm came out h was already home. When h first started comming home I thought the "problem" had been solved. He was intitating all the time in fact couldn't get enough of me. Though it did make me uncomfortable in thinking perhaps he had been that way with her it was fun and what I had been missing with him all along.
there is no longer a threat of d on h's side and I believe that ow is gone from his life however the sex issue is still an issue for me and I'm feeling like what I put up with wasn't worth it for this barely there ssm.
h is caring h is a hard worker h is a good parent h calls during the day to see how we are (I'm an at home mom) h does cuddle me in bed or on the couch unless he's tired and sore and does give the disclaimer if so. h kisses me (though I doubt much different than he'd kiss his mother) goodbye and hello each day.
I have had many many threads this is my first here in ssm..I do have a thread in piecing called "my last thread" if you care to get another perspective before responding here.
I'm just trying to find a way to either "fix" this problem of our ssm (and yes I have talked til blue, and cried etc. explained, said nothing, tried to initiate, not done anything etc) as I believe it is the residing issue in our m and possibly the issue that led to the "big" problems.
