Questions for The DB'ing Pros - Help!

[neversaydie63]

Gardner, yes, the pullback -- I am used to those a little but all and all it went well.

Trent -- Yep, I thought it might be a stretch but figured what the hell ---she might say "yes"

We normally get together on Sunday but she went to a friends 5oth day party so we were not able to see each other. I am traveling all week for work so I wont see her this week but maybe we will get together on Sat.

I also am going to talking to a DB coach (first session) tomorrow so I am hoping that will help. Figured I have to keep trying for now and do everything in my power and ability to try and make this work. What ever happens , happens after that and If I finally do fail, then at least I can say I really gave it my best effort and I will be better in the end.

Thanks

NSC

[Gardener]

never,
Great on the telecoach tomorrow. I'm sure you'll get a lot of good ideas and strategies. Let us know how it went.

[Gardener]

Never,

By the way, I gave you some bad info on your other thread about the e-book on stopping your divorce: I was thinking of the one by Homer McDonald, not Joseph Grant.
So, new answer: no, I know absolutely nothing about Grant's e-book (but Homer's is still a hoot!)

[neversaydie63]

The DB coaching went well -- she has given me some very good information.

I am seeing the W in about 10 minutes so I have to jump but I will keep everyone posted. We are going to talk about our calandars and getting together for the holidays. She basically told me on Sunday that she does not want to see my family over the holidays because she does not feel comfortable. Hummmmmm -- I felt s---ty after that conversation. She said we can talk more today so not really sure what she is going to tell me but I am feeling a little restless!

NSD

[neversaydie63]

OK, so Gardner mentioned the pullback in a previous post, --- wow, nailed it.

So last week when I was gone she sends me an email about my schedule that I had emailed her and she said that since I had gotten it to her late that she had to change plans re dropping our dog off (we are doing a 50/50 split with the dog time, as best we can with my work schedule), so she mentions in the email that she is going to PU the dog on thanksgiving. I read it and call her and tell her that we can talk on Sat when I return. She says she has plans on Sat. so I say ok. We get together for a bit on Sunday and we start talking about Thanksgiving and the holidays. This is when she starts getting edgy and says we need to talk more about our plans for the Holidays.

So, yesterday we get together for some work stuff and have a nice visit and get that taken care of and then we go to lunch. After the small talk we are sitting there and you could just feel the tension about the next conversation so she jumps in and says we need to continue the talk about the upcoming holidays and us. This is when she starts talking about some pretty heavy “R” stuff (we really have not had this conversation for a while) She tells me that over the years I have not made her my top priority, kept her in the dark as to my comings and goings, not called her for several days in a row, doesn’t see me changing much if any. There were tears and lots of emotions – heavy stuff. Then she says that she was hoping that I would have planned to do something special for her Birthday and she waited to hear from me but when I did not call her until a few days before, she went ahead and made plans with her mother. That hurt me and I was upset but tried not to show it on the phone. Then she says that she thought that I would at least do something really special for our Friday night birthday celebration! – Wow, talk about push back! – I thought we had a good time and so did she but now she says it was not that great. – Yep, high and lows, peaks and valleys – Oh well, guess that is part of the territory for WAW’s

NSD

[neversaydie63]

Talked to my DB Coach on Wed and she has been really great. I guess I have been doing some things wrong like not calling her enough and being unavailable (was trying to follow some of the guideline here and in the book) but she said that since it was a problem in the marriage, that I need to be better at calling her now and getting back to her quicker. Makes sense, it’s just hard to know the right thing to do.

Got together quick for a coffee on Thursday and she jumped into more heavy “R” stuff --- not sure where this is going now. I did tell her I was working with a relationship coach (this was a suggestion from my DB Coach) since my W thinks (and so do I, that there are lots of things I need to work on myself) - W seem to take that well and liked the fact that I was talking to someone and trying to work on me, anger, patients and time management issues. I even asked her if she would be willing to talk to the DB coach (also the coach’s suggestion) and she said she would! – Wow, OK, I think that is a good sign but then she goes on to get real emotional and tells me she really doesn’t think she can do this for another 6 months and is happy at her new place and happier now that I am not there! – Ouch, that hurt. – Wow, mini bomb number 2 this week.

So, needless to say, I have fallen off the peak and am now in the valley again. Just when I think things are going well, bam!! – I get wacked with more bad stuff! So, I told her I still want to keep trying and that I know this has been hard for her but I am trying my hardest to improve myself and hopefully for our M as well. Not sure if she is buying it or not and really not sure if she wants to try. I am afraid she is still talking to her Psychic friend and some of her single and divorced friends who are filling her head with the whole, “quick fix” things and telling her to divorce me and be done with this.

Wow – ups and downs for the last few days – I guess the holidays have a way of doing that to everyone.

NSD

[neversaydie63]

Hey All

Its been a while since I have been here so I hope everyone is well and survived the holidays. I know it was difficult for me as I am sure it was for everyone here in a similar situation.

Question: Seeing WAW on Tuesday, I am sure she is going to give me the "Big D" talk but I dont want that yet! Any suggestions or comments on how to field the , "I think its time we move forward with a Divorce" statement??

Last week when I was out of town on business, she move more stuff out of the house.

Thanks for your help

NSD

[neversaydie63]

Anyone out there with a thought on this??

Thanks

NSD

[sportsfan33]

So what happened in the last three months??? It seemed slightly encouraging back in November...

[neversaydie63]

The holidays, the pressure of that I guess, the expectations that things would work out. -- Gosh, I don't know since the end of October we have had her birthday, halloween, Thanksgiving, Our annual Christmas Party (this last one would have been 21 years) Christmas, New Years, My Birthday and then our Anniversary (21 years) -- all of these over a 3 month period and all were very important dates for both of us when we were together. Don't get me wrong, we did have some good times but it was hard and stressful.

Maybe I am trying too hard, I don't know, --- I have really been GAL and spending lots of time out with friends, going skiing a lot, going to the AT&T Golf last weekend. Maybe she is mad at me that I am having fun. Isn't that what your suppose to do ?? I think it may be working in reverse for me here.

When she moved more stuff out last week, she left me a short note that said that she had noticed I had moved things around in the house and had taken down pictures of "US" so she felt it was time to move some more stuff out! Then she said in a second note (different color ink, same note) that she had not heard from me for 2 days so she dropping the dog off and would talk to me on Sat. She also crossed off the word "some" stuff and put "my" stuff ??? - So she seemed pissed.

Just not sure if I am screwing up or what?? --- like I said, I will see her tomorrow and I think she is going to drop the next "d" bomb on me.

Not sure what to say to her

NSD