V1olin's new life without wife

[iwantittowork]

I think putting the 48 hour rule on yourself for this is a good idea. Good luck V1olin!

[v1olin]

Thanks iwantittowork!

My d8 told me when I picked her up yesterday, "mom got you soemthing for Valentines day. It is supposed to be from me but she(wife) picked it out." It was a heartshaped box of chocolate. I guess STBXW told D8 that these were my favorite kind of chocolate. chocolate nut clusters. She is right but I will not be getting her anything from me. It seems like she needs to get me something and then say it is from the kids. Christmas is one holiday that this is ok but not V-day!

[v1olin]

Having an extended weekend with my daughters. There was no school because of Presidents day! Went to visit Grandma yesterday and they had a great time. I did not get any V-day gift for my w from the kids. I felt that it was not needed. I dont see other divorced couples buying each other gifts from the kids.

[futureunknown]

Yeah, this whole buying gifts for the ex-spouse from the kids rubs me the wrong way. Continuing to do it just feels like a lie.

[v1olin]

Yes, one more lie to add to the rest! I think the kids will understand not doing it.

[v1olin]

Still waiting... meanwhile I am almost bankrupt and needing another job(still) hard finding one that will accomodate my childrens schedule.

I have been chatting with a few women online for the last week or so. Feels pretty good but I dont think I will be going on any dates with no money! lol

[v1olin]

W called a couple hours ago... and I answered it this time before going to voicemail. She called to tell me that her car is broken. It wont start and she wont be able to go to the divorce support group for children that we go to tomorrow night. She also said that she has work that she has to do anyways tomorrow. I am going to pick d8 up and take her to the support group myself.


I could not muster any feelings of empathy for her and that is so sad to me. I loved this woman so strongly for 18 years and now all I can say to her is "good luck with your car"



Our divorce is still not final and the question is: did I do enough? Did I try long enough? Should I hang on until it is final before I call this woman whose number I just got last night? any advise?

[ShockedOne]

V,
Why the long drag out on the D? I thought you were supposed to be finalled around the end of January.

I know the feeling on the car. I got the same feelings on other, but comparable things with my XW. I honestly felt that it was karma.

Now to help with your ?'s. When it is all finalled and done, will you feel regrets? Will you tell yourself "if I had done "Y", would we still be together?" I think that is when you know whether you did enough or not. On dating, you will hear both sides on these boards. My biggest piece of advice is don't rebound. I see nothing wrong with making connections. I personally did not date till it was done, but I did go out and meet people.

Shock

[v1olin]

Why the drag out? I asked my L and she said that there had been some sicknesses in w's lawyers office and this and that, basically they have not been trying real hard. They still have not got the value or the payout of the pension figured out.



I did go ahead and call the person I met online. She seems to be a nice person and HONEST so far but how long does it take to really know? I have been in a sex starved marriage for 9 years and the thought of seeing someone else is getting more and more exciting. I stayed with my wife while only ML 5 or 6 times a year and then I fought to save our marriage after I found out she was in an EA. I dont feel guilty about wanting to be with someone else anymore but I will wait until it is final.

[Gnosis]

V, I'm still around. Haven't had much to say. As far as dating goes... you don't have to go "all the way" ... but you do need to interact with members of the opposite sex to rebuild your self-esteem.