Thank you for those insights, they are so revealing and reflective of all the damage they have done.
Snodderly, I can't believe your ex is still lying and acting so poorly. How many years has it been? He must be one of those who never gets out of the crisis? Is that your interpretation?
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting, My xh walked out in December 1999 and I've been divorced since June 2002. After he walked out the second time in December 1999, I pegged him as being one of those that will remain stuck for the rest of his life.
Yes, he continues to lie to this very day and every email is about him, how sick he is, etc. Yet, I can do a google search on him and there he is....all over the net talking about what he's doing, concerts, races, baseball and football games that he has or is attending. The man is just stuck and is in a holding pattern.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well, I wish I had some sense or knowledge that perhaps the grass wasn't greener, but nothing I see or hear seems to indicate that there is anything for me to believe that X isn't happier (insert stompety stomp).
However, if we believe that people seek those of similar maturity levels, then I figure that that says a lot. X's OW is much younger than most on this board and also less mature. I believe the same is true of X. He never fully launched into adulthood.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
forward, I couldn't have said it better....my xh never launched into a mature man either. Any time a grown man at the age of 45 sits in the middle of the floor by himself and plays w/matchbox cars, there is a problem.
BTW, you might want to read Jenny Sanford's book. She actually mentioned that her xh had a midlife crisis. I found her book quite good.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
If people seek out similar maturity levels, though, we have to note that WE were with them, too.
I notice that many people--including JS in my opinion--were the overfunctioners in the R. Yes, our spouses disintegrated...however, we controlled. We need to learn how to stop caretaking and be responsible for ourselves. Just as they have to learn that same lesson.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
I totally agree with you on this. However, we may not have started out as "controlling" or "caretakers", but somewhere along the way, the work and responsibilities tended to fall to us to pick up. These are definitely lessons we all need to learn...
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you for sharing about ur x. Mine is living the same world as urs. I am not sure about the the net as i have stopped googling him. but I do know that he goes from woman to woman - we are now on #3 that has been introduced to d13 and I think he has had 5 or 6 "relationships" since bimbo #1.
stuck - yep some of them get stuck.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
I'm sure your kids have a hard time taking your ex seriously....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
It is destructive and immature to introduce women into the lives of our children that are 'passersby'. THAT...I think is inexcusable.
Letting go of what we had is so very difficult. Accepting that someone else has taken our place is even more difficult. But...if we see value in our own lives and do our best to avoid being a victim or continually finding blame within ourselves, it gets easier to go forward.
The tools that we used in the past were given to us as kids. We learn and, hopefully, get better tools to work with. You can and WILL fall in love again TRUSTING...when you are ready to do so.
Supporting you. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
FIB I agree that acceptance is not something that any of us do easily. However, as someone whose XH has married his bimbo and fathered a child with her what I wish is that they (and especially OW) would concentrate on the child they have together instead of insisting that OW now have equal say in what happens to my children. The word stepmother is becoming somewhat an expletive in this household at least.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
but I do know that he goes from woman to woman - we are now on #3 that has been introduced to d13 and I think he has had 5 or 6 "relationships" since bimbo #1.