Help me from saying, writing...

[SweetCyborg]

My original post is here: http://bit.ly/baqySm

Quickly, WaW had EA/PA two years ago, reunited 1 yr ago...rocky since...separated again last week.

It doesn't help that OM wrote her a guilting ('I was there for you' email in Nov that W told me about and freaked on) but I was bad and 'snooped' and sent to myself, and re-reading, which makes me want to send to her mom, her, etc.

OM said: "I was there for you practically your husband for 1yr, now you want no contact b/c it makes H feel bad, he's bad for you. You said we were really in love and pursued me..."

This was only three months ago!~! Why do I feel if her family knew this, they would see OM is the problem, not my inability to forgive 100%...that it's too soon to 'give up'?

I know I shouldn't... I should move on, delete that email, forget -- right?

My wife is so vulnerable to his 'caring', and I seem like the bad guy for getting so angry, hurt (and am for snooping).

She told him she kind of valued what they had, but she had recommitted to the marriage and that any contact with him (even though they work together) would make me uncomfortable. (not that she didn't want it)

Knowing how he manipulated her, and interfered with our 'rebuilding' most recently, makes me SOOOOO mad!!

I have, FWIW, stopped snooping, and almost stopped caring about the A. But OM has convinced her it would've never happened if she weren't so unhappy in M, but the truth is she was bipoloar, BPD, and he took advantage (even after I asked him to back off 2+ years ago!)

I would love to forward parts of his email to my W (and M-i-L), and say "can you see why I might still have had trouble trusting, forgiving"??? But she doesn't know I have it, and I feel guilty for having it anyway! The only way I know how she feels is when she writes to OM!!

Sad, lonely, confused, virtually inconsolable, even after yesterday's fairly positive meeting.

We have always said we were soulmates best friends and this was a mistake, but I'm not sure W is convinced! She says she still loves me, but feels I will never get over 'it'.

Thanks in advance!