I can see why you interpreted the "He doesn't allow me to be nice" statement as you did. But, no, that is not what I do, I do not expect him to be nice or good in return, I learned that leasson a long time ago.... with friends actually. I think giving is its own reward. When I say he doesn't allow me to be nice to him, I didn't mean my demeanor, but more concrete "niceness" , more activity oriented, like making his coffee or making him a meal. He will actually stop me from doing those activities, like take over the cooking,even though I clearly stated I wanted to make it for him, or just plain say no when I offer to make or do anything for him. I have started to actually sneak up some coffee making activities before he can even stop me.
He is actually getting a bit better at that, and has actually relax a bit. I am not going to take over his obligations at home, I am not trying to mother him, but sometimes when I see him a bit busy or tired I jumb at the chance to lighten his load.
I am a lot more relax now about the whole situation, because I have realized that the more anxious I am about the whole sex and rejection situation, the more uptight he gets and the worse the sit gets, it is like a vicious cycle.
Now , I am concentrating on me a whole lot more, that way I have less time to obsess over lack of sex and hopefully it will take the preassure off my H enough.
I am trying to be more positive and not have everything I do, good or bad tainted with the underlying hurt that I have been feeling for the past year.
