I think it's possible that I'm experiencing the next step in letting go.
The things that I've belched out in therapy are now exercised... and I've heard W talk about her needs. Don't know, for lack of a better metaphor, it feels like maybe my feet have touched the bottom of the pool.
I did call W. I told her that I heard her, I understand, that I don't want her to be miserable.
Maybe I've reached the point where I stripped everything back, I know I love her and that I need to let her go.
I think it's over.
She said she's going to send an email tomorrow about settlement stuff, that I'll like it, that she doesn't want to fight anymore, that I'm a great dad and she thinks I should be in the house with the boys, she wants to move into the apartment, etc. I don't know what her proposal is going to be. But she says we can't go on like this, and I agree.
I don't know, I'm not feeling fear of the future, worry or anger over finances, fear of being alone - I kind of feel like I found myself a little and I realize that this is the path. I'm feeling like I love her but not in a "have to have her back" kind of way.
I feel like I'm done analyzing and asking why. It's just done. Yeah, LFA, I guess it's grieving that's coming with acceptance. It should not have ever been like this. We had it, the real thing. But it is like this.
Karen - yeah, I tend to agree with what you're saying. She has to work on herself. W has been similar to what you describe - new house, new friends, new hobby, vacation - she was obsessed with retirement (in a "THEN I'll be happy" kind of way). And yeah, I always felt the need to oblige - this is what friends and family observed, in how I accommodated her. She's got to work that out. Will I be happier without her? Maybe.
