I will reply to your separated post here. I hope you did not show him this emotion. If you did then his MLC radar can sense that if he tells you the D word that he can control you that way.
I'm sorry that this is what happened today but you need to pull yourself together. It is not surprising that he is acting this way. You need to not fear the D, or at least act like you don't fear it. Can you get out and do something for YOU! Take your focus off your H.
I am upset with him. Yes, I UNFORTUNATELY showed him that. I just want the D talk to stop and for him to think about possibilities.
I do not know how to NOT Fear the D word. It is not what I want, but I guess it is not in my control.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
DU - You WILL deal with the FEAR. I know you can. I know you can. Right now you are going thur a host of emotions that will pass. You need to be strong not for him but for YOU. Look me up on FB (alt) and we can speak. I am here for you and so are a lot of people. I'm still new at this but I understand what you feel. You can do this DU. You can. Summon the strength that i know is in you.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
DU, You have to understand his train of thought...it's on one track and that track is a loop right now. All he thinks that will save him and set him free from all of his troubles and pain is a divorce. He is not going to stop talking about it. It's like to brass ring that you try to grab when on a merry-go-round. The more he senses you are upset or that he can trip you up, the more he's going to talk about it. He's hoping to wear you down to the point that you'll say "yes, let's get this done".
You've got to be strong here and know that you are in control of your own destiny. Do not show this man your fear. He needs to see a strong woman that can stand up for herself and will do whatever is necessary to protect herself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am on the alt. This is just so difficult. My eyes are so puffy. I talked to a good friend who was able to calm me down a bit. Why? We were suppose to support and care for one another. He is controlling every bit of the situation. I have no power.
I can't understand that if it takes 2 people to legally commit to getting married, that it only takes 1 person to legally end the marriage. Not even requiring MC.
I told my IC something she felt I should disclosed when I first saw her because it was a big piece of the puzzle. She also called me today because I sent her a message indicating that I needed someone to talk to.
My H has been looking at internet PXXX for (at least what I know) the last 1 1/2 years. When I confronted him about it last year, he kept telling me it was not him even though I found all of the links within the browser and the search "phrases" he used. There are only 2 people living in our house... He and I. I was certainly not the one looking at these sites.
I am still very upset and continued to protect him because he has a very high clearance.
I did not even bring this up in any of the 5 sessions we did have with the MC earlier on. I didn't want to embarrass him.
My feeling are HURT. I love this person and I am now not even sure why? His behavior lately is rude, dismissive, thoughtless, egotistical, manipulative, and downright abrasive.
Arghhhh!
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
When he wants to start going through every room in our house to "divide" the property. How do I avoid this?
In addition, I just found out that when he is deployed overseas, he can file for the D (at the end of the allowable time period) and it can all be done without him being present. This is just plain ridiculous!
He MAY stop be tomorrow after work to pick up his "Certified Mail" (Deployment Information). I do not want to be her. But I am thinking about changing the locks because I cannot trust him right now.
I am trying to be strong, but it seems that everything I do, say, or not say is just not "perfect". Thoughts?
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
When he is walking from room to room talking about the division of property, just get up and go into another part of the house. You do not need to subject yourself to this crazy making bs. For one thing, nothing is final until some papers are drawn up and the division of property is then specifically stated in them. If you need to change the locks, you will need to find out if you can do it now or after he receives separation papers. In my state, his personal belonings had to be out of the house and my xh had to have draft separation papers in hand before I could change the locks.
You have to understand....nothing you say or do is going to be okay right now. Why? He's an emotional wreck and his depression is driving the anger. You could say that the goose laid a golden egg and he would tell you it's glass. He will not agree w/you on anything. If you must speak to him, talk to him about safe subjects, like the weather or if you have children what they are doing....do not buy into his bs about your relationship or divorce. The less you broach those subjects, the better.
Also, if your h has a clearance, as long as he's not using a PC at work to view the Pxxx, they can't touch him. Now if it's something more serious than the normal Pxxx, then he's going to have a problem.
Can you have someone at the house when he comes by to the get "certified mail"?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
R U destiny unknown on the alt? The red rose profile?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
When he is walking from room to room talking about the division of property, just get up and go into another part of the house. You do not need to subject yourself to this crazy making bs. For one thing, nothing is final until some papers are drawn up and the division of property is then specifically stated in them. If you need to change the locks, you will need to find out if you can do it now or after he receives separation papers. In my state, his personal belonings had to be out of the house and my xh had to have draft separation papers in hand before I could change the locks.
Yes, this walking from room to room thought is just BS. He is absolutely NOT the man I met, fell in love with, or married. It's like he is an alien.
Originally Posted By: snodderly
You have to understand....nothing you say or do is going to be okay right now. Why? He's an emotional wreck and his depression is driving the anger. You could say that the goose laid a golden egg and he would tell you it's glass. He will not agree w/you on anything. If you must speak to him, talk to him about safe subjects, like the weather or if you have children what they are doing....do not buy into his bs about your relationship or divorce. The less you broach those subjects, the better.
I will try, but he does not make it easy. I just need to begin telling myself that is is him and not me....
Originally Posted By: snodderly
Can you have someone at the house when he comes by to the get "certified mail"?
Not really. I didn't want to be here. I may just work late tomorrow and check the house when I get home....
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
