the word is out

[knittedscarff]

It was like he was blaming me for his decision to file.

I think this sounds like he doesn't want to divorce you. Better start reading up on MLCs!

Let me give you another perspective on this. If he has filed for divorce, there is a high probability that he wants to divorce you. Don't be taken in with the guilt-shifting tactics that you are somehow responsible for HIS actions.

He's a big boy; he didn't accidentally walk into a lawyer's office and asked to file for divorce...it's not like he meant to go to starbucks and ended up at the lawyers office.

I'm on the other end of it, but my stbx-h says at times that he feels like he forced my hand to file for divorce, and that he's responsible. It's total malarky. If I didn't want to file, then I wouldn't have filed. If your H didn't want to file for D, then he wouldn't. It's not rocket science.

But there are some similarities. When I told my stbx-h that I was going to file that he asked we wait until we were certain to tell the kids. One reason I agreed to wait for a while was because I knew it would upset the kids. But delaying the coversation with the kids was not at all related to my choice to file. You might want to ask your H if he's reluctant to tell the kids so he doesn't hurt them or is he reluctant to get a D, just so you are clear.

Again, it's a pretty cut and dry conversation.

[Lost Rabbit]

CW Im over on the alt if you want to natter and take your mind off stuff (())

[knittedscarff]

Maybe he felt pushed into it by me.

I wanted to add to this...you can't push someone into doing something they don't want to do. If that were possible, you don't want him to leave you, do you?

And he left, right?

Do not let him put blame on you for his choices. It's not healthy, and it's not productive.

[courageous wife]

LR-

My head is hanging pretty low right now after reading OP's thoughts. I just can't seem to get the hang of this. I am apparently a slow learner. I keep doing all the wrong things.

My L is the one that said that a legal separation is not necessary as long as both spouses are in agreement with their separation plan as it does cost money to file for a S.

[g450]

Not trying to hijack but just wanted to know how your sitch is LR. Havent read your thread in months.

Everything going well?

[Lost Rabbit]

Come on over to the FB page we can chat (())

[Lost Rabbit]

Thanks G450 over in piecing now..

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...332#Post1943332

Do pop in :wavey:

[Cadet]

CW,

I am not trying to blame you for the fact that your H is in a MLC. I am trying to say that I think you could avoid some of this pain that he is inflicting on you. Reread what you wrote from your H perspective, not easy to do because he is not acting rationally, however, you can not use your children as a wedge to bring up R talk and expect that to go well. Yes it concerns your children, the end result concerns them. Are you at the end yet?

All I am trying to say is to let go! Stop trying to control the sich. Its not going to work. Your H is going to do whatever it is that he going to do. The depression controls this. NOT YOU.
You need to stay out of the way.

OK. I am not trying to hit you too hard with a 2x4.

[Cadet]

We have a new thread over on the MLC board, maybe we do things a little bit differently than in Newcomers try reading it. maybe it will help with what I am trying to say

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942444&page=1

[courageous wife]

Thanks Knitted scarf for checking in!

OP-crawling out of the rubble of 2x4's! I truly am trying to "get it". I didn't think I was using the children. I will check out the new thread see if any of it will sink in. I am also going to go to the bookstore and look at MLC books. I do value your advice even if it hurts!