Yes, Gucci, the H's affair created the crisis that forced us to decide yea or nay on the marriage. That doesn't make me thank him for the affair, but I am aware that as a result of the work we did after his affair, our marriage is much better than it was before.
Sandi, I don't know how to answer all of your concerns. We did what worked. We followed the road that was laid out in front of us. Maybe it wouldn't work for everyone. It worked for us. That is why when I am asked for advice, I do not give specific instructions, I say go to a Retrouvaille weekend. They spend 2 full days teaching you how to heal your marriage (that's heal, not go back through all past problems and correct all past mistakes), and it is more than I can put into directions on a website.
