Crushed - you posted in my post saying you wish you had the $$ to move out. This does not sound like a good idea man. You need to stick aroud for your kids - esp your daughter. If you take off, what if she repeats the same cycle as her mom and grandmother. I have to believe you don't want that/don't want to add to the posibility of that.
I have also read, and this depends on the state, that WAH hurt their chances of custody and visitation due to the courts seeing their walking away as abandonment - something to consider?!
I am sorry to hear about your sitch BTW. I think you did good by coming here to look for help.
There is a BIG difference between abandonment and filing separation/divorce. BELIEVE ME, the court will not ALLOW a husband to abandon his wife/family!
Crushed, your kids' lives are their own. You cannot be unhappy in your marriage or ineffective as a father. If your wife undermines you, as mine does me, you might as well not even be in the picture. I am at this very moment losing custody of my two children to a woman who does NOT spend nearly as much time DOING things with them or caring for them. I can prove it. Lawyer knows the facts, and lawyer says don't attempt custody unless I want to go (more) broke and still lose custody. That's just the way to cookie crumbles.
That said, I *can* spend as much time with kids as job/geography allows and talk to them and tell them about life and what matters. They may want to emulate mom's behavior, but they'll know they can realize their true potential only if if they stick to the narrow road while growing up and apply themselves rather than pulling down their pants at every boy/girl who "wants something", getting involved in drugs, etc.
Get yourself put back together, fight for custody when mom proves herself incompetent (and she eventually may), and be the kids' father regardless of who has custody.
