I think I'd rather be dead than this- WAW

[Quart9]

[quote=Quart9]
Who says you have to rush things after filing? The filing is for your protection... it doesn't mean the end of the marriage.... which by the way is already dead. i.e. The marriage you knew and the W you knew NO LONGER EXIST. The sooner you let that fact register in your head the better. This does NOT mean however that that two of your will never reconcile and start a new relationship. THAT IS THE DIFFERENCE.

"I see," said the blind man...

[quote=Quart9]
So far she has been throwing the threat of D in your face to keep you at bay. She knows that she wants to explore opportunities with OM while you hang around on the sidelines as option B. There may be other reasons for keeping you hanging on...

Sometimes I don't even feel like I'm option B to her, and I feel like I'm better/deserve more than being someone's option B.

Your right talking hasn't done jack sh!t. My thought was I would check the vibe I got from her to evaluate my initiation of the D, but at this point I'm questioning if i even owe her that much.

[quote=Quart9]
She will threaten you and promise to personally escort you to hell...

Personally escort me to hell- haha! That is classic dude!

I can handle 48 hours of going dark after she gets served and I'm beginning to get so tired of obsessing about this that 4 weeks sounds good too. BUSY, BUSY is what I have need to be recently with school, but I have had my head stuck up this sitch's a$$ so far that I have neglected doing a lot my homework. I'm screwing up a great opportunity here for a person that doesn't seem to give two sh!t's about me really.

Thank you Gnosis, Sandi2, Puppy Dog, Mr Bond, GH31, and everyone else here for your imput and assistance. You have all been a great help to me and my soap opera.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

But how does filing first not mean the end of the marriage? It seems any chance at reconciliation would def be lost at that point. If she has been saying she wants a D aren't I just handing it to her on a silver platter (maybe even leaving her with a clear conscience since she was not the initiator?).

Quart,

2 1/2 years ago, while my wife was having an affair, I filed first.

Today we are reconciled, and celebrated together the birth of our first grandchild, a beautiful little girl.

Filing first does NOT necessarily mean the end of your marriage. It just means that you are WILLING to end the marriage AS IT HAS EXISTED UP UNTIL NOW, if that's what it takes, if your wife doesn't stop her destructive behavior.

It puts the ball into her court.

Puppy

[sandi2]

Unfortunately, she has never really been flirty with me during this S and we haven't taken turns spending the night at each others place since I've moved out.

Opps, sorry. Got confused with another thread. That's why I usually go back and review, so I don't get them mixed up, but I failed to do that that time around.

Oh well, guess I'll have to increase the
medication........ (I picked up something at Walmart that was suppose to help with "memory", but I can't remember what I did with it.)

[Quart9]

I'm really pissed at myself today and I have a hangover. Not real for sure if I acomplished GAL last night. I went out with some buddies and had a good time, but after I got back and sat here alone I started thinking about W. I resisted the urge to drunk dial her but instead drove over to our apt - drunk - in the rain. This is the second time I have done this (the first time it wasn't raining though). I feel like such a retard today for doing that.

I didn't go over there to talk to her or anything, I just wanted to see if she was home and safe (what a sap). For sure I also wanted to see if there was another car there I didn't recognize. She was there (or her car was) and there were no other cars there.

I don't drink that often and I have made a point not to since this all started because I know I'll do stupid sh!t like this.

Now I'm sitting her today stuggling with wanting to call/text her. I typed out a text a minute ago to ask her what she is up to but didn't send it and I deleted it.

BTW Sandi2 - no prob on the confusion. I just appreciate you taking the time to give me feedback. I need some memory help too - but I would prefer help in the opposite direction -haha!

I'm still thinking over the idea about filing first. I have talked to a couple of my friends and family about it today and they like it too. It does seem like a good idea and ultimately I would hope that it would result in lighting a fire under her and make her reconsider what she is doing. I am, however, still struggling with this thought that she would look at it as validation for her actions and free her conscience (if she even has one) as being the divorcer.

[Quart9]

Sitting here thinking about what I did last night. Not only could I have kiiled myself or someone else, I could have also gotten DUI. On top of that, if she saw me over there - hello RO! Idiot!

[Gnosis]

You almost made a mistake. Learn from it.

Lesson: Stay away from alcohol during times of stress. It's a natural depressant. NOT SOMETHING YOU NEED at this point in time.

Get your ducks in a row and do something constructive for a change... like hitting the books instead of wasting your energy pining over her.

More 2x4's will come until you start thinking with your head instead of your heart.

[crushed_v95]

agreed on the alcohol thing. stay healthy quart.

[Quart9]

Well I take back what I said before about the name of this thread.

I think I WOULD rather be dead than this...

I hadn't talk to my wife in over a week. Received a text from her this morning. We exchanged a couple of texts and then she called me from her work.

I asked her how her trip went and if she went skiing. She said she hadn't but she had gone a couple of weeks ago. I called her on that - I know none of her friends from work ski. She said she went with some other work friends. So I politley asked her if the "other work friends" was actually OM. She says, "do you want to know the truth." Yeah - the truth would be great for once. She confirmed she went with him. She also confirmed he is still married "but he and his wife are not together." So I thought since the truth was flowing why not ask the big question - I asked her if she had slept with him. She asked me why I wanted to know - duh because I'm still your F'ing husband!

So she was resistant to tell me at first (why? because it would ruin her good Christian self image?). I told I thought I had the right to know and that after spending the last nine years of our lives together she could atleast give me the courtesy of telling me that she has slept with another man.

So she told me - she did/they did.

PA confirmed 2.21.10

Un - F'ing - believable. Does she not have a conscience? The woman I loved, married, planned to have kids with, planned to spend the rest of my life with -- went on a weekend cruise, met and fooled around with a married man, came home started an EA with him, manipulated me into moving out, and then slept with him. This cannot be real - this is not really happening!! The whole time we have been together I always thought so highly of her character- I thought she was so good and would never cheat. I feel like such a fool...

[MrBond]

We've all been there buddy. Just hang in there. My W did the same and she always thought I would cheat on her. Crazy.

[crushed_v95]

Un - F'ing - believable. Does she not have a conscience? The woman I loved, married, planned to have kids with, planned to spend the rest of my life with -- went on a weekend cruise, met and fooled around with a married man, came home started an EA with him, manipulated me into moving out, and then slept with him. This cannot be real - this is not really happening!! The whole time we have been together I always thought so highly of her character- I thought she was so good and would never cheat. I feel like such a fool...

I know how you feel. You're not a fool. You're a good man in an incredibly difficult situation.

You can keep this together. Keep your self respect. Go someplace else to cry, scream, etc. Don't let her see it.

I'm on what they call the alt. it's a couple of facebook groups. I've got a spare hour this morning if you want to chit chat.

Peace