H got here all cheerful and happy. (all I could think of is how dare you act so happy after you sent me D papers...you could at least ACT sad!) I was polite but couldn't muster up a lot of words! He talked about the rental house blah, blah. I brought up the Dr appt. and the medication that S14 was prescribed. He then said he'd like to take the small tv with him today and I said ok. Then, he wanted to go split some wood so we all got bundled up and did that...no fun and laughs doing that today!
H was getting the fire going and kids were eating so I went down and asked him if he planned on talking to the kids today. He said he supposed he could and then I said that we should since he'd made his decision and he said "well, that's what you expected isn't it?" WTF? I said "no, actually it is not what I expected" and then he went on to say that he thought that is what I wanted him to do was to hurry up and make a decision. So, I reminded him that what I said was "that I wanted him to take his time but that I would not wait forever". I said, "I want you to be sure. That talk was weeks ago and I have not pressured you or brought it up since then." Then I said "if you really are not sure, then let's not talk to the kids yet" and he said ok. What I said was probably all wrong. It was like he was blaming me for his decision to file.
I then moved to talking about S14 and the Dr visit. I did say that I wished he had been there as it was hard answering the questions and deciding to go ahead with the medication and the tears did well up and H said that he could have been there and that he would go to the next one.
He didn't stay long but mentioned trying to do something with the kids next weekend. He said that there has been talk of OT for the next several weeks at work. S14 was pretty disappointed when H said he was leaving and started with the tears so H did go in and talk with him a little bit. Now S14 is trying to talk me into taking them for pizza later! Do ya think he's working me? lol!
So, DB friends...what am I to make of all of this? THEN, I forgot to ask him about the garage door!
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He said he supposed he could and then I said that we should since he'd made his decision and he said "well, that's what you expected isn't it?" WTF? I said "no, actually it is not what I expected" and then he went on to say that he thought that is what I wanted him to do was to hurry up and make a decision. So, I reminded him that what I said was "that I wanted him to take his time but that I would not wait forever". I said, "I want you to be sure. That talk was weeks ago and I have not pressured you or brought it up since then." Then I said "if you really are not sure, then let's not talk to the kids yet" and he said ok. What I said was probably all wrong. It was like he was blaming me for his decision to file.
I think this sounds like he doesn't want to divorce you. Better start reading up on MLCs!
And it almost feels to me like you get some control now...now that you were presented with divorce and had to think about it, what do YOU want? Do you still want to wait it out? Do you want a legal separation? Do you want a divorce?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
NM- I am sitting here wondering if he was just being a chicken and not wanting to be the one to tell the kids...I don't know. Maybe he felt pushed into it by me. I know that in the past when R talk has been brought up, he has said that he was getting pressure from OW.
I am so glad that I did not tell anyone (excpet my co-worker) about the D papers. I am so glad that I did not get ahold of OW's pastor! I don't feel like I have any control yet. He still seems to be the one calling all the shots!
This sucks because the last couple of days, I have had to convince myself, for my own piece of mind, to accept the D. NO, despite everything, I DO NOT want a D!
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Forgot NM-L said that a legal separation would be a waste of money as in my state, it does everything that a D does and if you decide to go ahead with a D, it is like paying for it twice!
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I went down and asked him if he planned on talking to the kids today.
Why did you do this, what part of detach NC is this. Its R talk. So the resulting actions by him do not surprise me at all. Do you see that?
I guess the bright side of this is you know where you stand.
You need to rethink what you are doing. If you want to get D then react to everything that H says, act like you care. That you want him to stay married etc. etc. etc.
You have to remember this is all counterintuitive.
Ok sounds like MrCW still isnt sure what he wants, I dont buy OW is pushing! Dont want to get you too excited but I'd say he's a man undecided still.. Some thing pushed him into a corner with the D papers and it probably wasnt you. Again with the D was cheaper than a S and a D. I'd check that out yourself but it doesnt ring true not that I'd know for certain.
Best plan of action is to step back, detach for a few days and think through what he said, although it was good you were able to say you'd have preferred his support with S nothing wrong with that.
If anything the fact you accepted it was all done and dusted can only do you good, you dropped the rope and that can only be a good thing.
Keep you head held high hun you did good today even if you feel you didnt (())
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
