HDWife trying for happier life

[HDwife]

AYE YAY YAY YAY YAY - Why am I back in the center of the universe chair? feeling resentful that I have the squalch a core aspect of my being for potential future satisfaction, especially after DanceQueen's comment and my subsequent reading of her wedding thread (where at least she gets to play with suitcases of sex stuff on honeymoons). Feeling very fatalistic about the prospect of a happy marriage today. This after my husband kisses me and says he loves me very much before leaving to go boating with our son. It's just not enough. Am I having a midlife crisis? sure feels that way...

I miss mojo and her animal archtypes. I went from repressed lioness and fairly satisfied cow (with a bit of bunny and a bit of monkey thrown in) to hissing lioness and sad old cow (and a complete lack of will to be either cute or playful) and hate feeling this way!

At the gym, I lust for the giant swimmer poster above the pool. At Macys, the manaquins seem to leer at me...

Gonna go pretty up before selling freakin' girl scout cookies outside the grocery store with my daughter because at least in public I can mask my resentment. At home I am a fury the last couple days (good thing I am not home much).

Any specific suggestions? All the things I usually do to relax (read, puzzles, facebook) are too passive to help me in this state. Going to the gym for hours on end only helps marginally. I want to have sex with my husband and I am dwelling on it. The last time we had sex was Jan 26th. I woke up this morning sooooo horny but mb'ing didn't take away the edge for long.

I feel as though I am short-circuiting...