Flushing the toxins from my life

[CountingCrows]

Had a decent, if not somewhat hectic week. No contact whatsoever with STBXW until 1am Saturday, when she started texting me. Not sure what she wants from me...seemed like she is just checking over her shoulder to see if I am still following.

She asked me if I'm seeing anyone. Told her "nope". She's having a hard time believing that once I got her to sign the temporary orders, I haven't just moved on to someone else. She doesn't understand how I could still love her or forgive her after everything that she's done to me, particularly when she can't forgive herself. She is finally admitting to me and herself that leaving me is probably the biggest mistake she's ever made.

My shrink is trying to keep me on the path towards independence and self-reliance, for myself and S7. He says that any reconciliation with W at this point would simply be a reconciliation of the "old" R and all it's ways. That's not what I want or need right now, as easy as it would be to jump back into that feet-first. I'd rather move on to the point where I don't feel like sacrificing myself for a R with STBXW. If something were to develop out of our friendship at that point, we might be strong enough then to make it a new R.

I'm afraid that with STBXW's mental condition, the odds will always be against us having a "healthy" R. As she said the other night "I'm mental. It'll never go away. It'll always be there complicating every feeling, thought, action and emotion. I'm terrified at the idea of dealing with this madness the rest of my life. I can't expect anyone to have to put up with my craziness."

I've done a pretty good job with GAL lately, considering I have had S7 this weekend. Stayed out late with him on Friday night, seeing a movie (The Lightning Thief). Hung around the house yesterday and played/cleaned. He and I are getting pretty good playing together on Rock Band Wii.

Now that I'm a salaried employee, my job is trying to get their money's worth of out me. I'm going in to the office on a Sunday afternoon, to try and get some things ready for a project we need to start tomorrow. Guess I better get ready to take S7 to his grandparents for a few hours.