"It's not like I would have to see her for any other reason than medical/school things dealing with D3."
If you believe this you are being totally delusional. What's going to happen if she has emotional problems. What's going to happen when you have one set of rules and your W contradicts them? What's going to happen when she has female issues and tells your W, but because your W doesn't get along with you, she doesn't tell you?
Start acting like an adult. No better yet, start acting like a man.
"Anything I say to her now will just go in the ammo pile...which sucks for her."
Perfect example.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
What's going to happen if she has emotional problems. What's going to happen when you have one set of rules and your W contradicts them? What's going to happen when she has female issues and tells your W, but because your W doesn't get along with you, she doesn't tell you?
That is already happening. I put D3 to bed every night she's with me at around 8PM and she wakes up around 8:30AM. When she's with my ex it's all about fun and games and she goes to bed anywhere between 9PM to 1AM, and gets up anywhere between 6AM and 9AM...and when she comes back to me, she's exhausted and falls asleep in her food or during a movie that I've taken her to see.
As far as the emotional problems or female problems, my D will always know she's free to come talk to me about such things but if she chooses to talk to my ex about them over me and my ex doesnt tell me I dont know if theres much I can do.
And if my ex succeeds in getting full or primary custody, I probably wouldnt see my D enough for her to feel comfortable telling me about any of those things either. Thats why it's important to make sure that doesnt happen.
And as far as your last statement, are you suggesting I do try to talk to my ex about dropping the suit?
When she's with my ex it's all about fun and games and she goes to bed anywhere between 9PM to 1AM, and gets up anywhere between 6AM and 9AM...and when she comes back to me, she's exhausted and falls asleep in her food or during a movie that I've taken her to see.
You may have already been told this, but document really strange stuff like that. A journal, perhaps? "I was very surprised that my D3 fell asleep while eating", "today, my D3 said her mom told her that the OM could be her daddy".
It sounds like, if I read correctly, that your W and you would be fighting over custody. Having some evidence why only joint or full custody for you would be safe is important. It is too bad she's getting so mean. It makes it hard to be trying to DB when you feel like you are under attack.
I've read that staying M or D is best for the kids when there is gets rid of a longstanding high-conflict situation. I could imaging that joint-custody would be challenging if the rules couldn't be agreed on - perhaps through a mediator.
When she's with my ex it's all about fun and games and she goes to bed anywhere between 9PM to 1AM, and gets up anywhere between 6AM and 9AM...and when she comes back to me, she's exhausted and falls asleep in her food or during a movie that I've taken her to see.
You may have already been told this, but document really strange stuff like that. A journal, perhaps? "I was very surprised that my D3 fell asleep while eating", "today, my D3 said her mom told her that the OM could be her daddy".
It sounds like, if I read correctly, that your W and you would be fighting over custody. Having some evidence why only joint or full custody for you would be safe is important. It is too bad she's getting so mean. It makes it hard to be trying to DB when you feel like you are under attack.
I've read that staying M or D is best for the kids when there is gets rid of a longstanding high-conflict situation. I could imaging that joint-custody would be challenging if the rules couldn't be agreed on - perhaps through a mediator.
I hope you're relaxing this Sunday ~
OTMT thanks for the response. I am documenting everything and have saved numberos texts and such...I have ever since the bomb was dropped in November. Some of the documentation is just time that D3 was picked up/dropped off but other times its things that were said, done, strange behavior.
I'm sure my ex is doing the same thing...saving all texts, writing things down and such. I even have a threatening voicemail from her from 2006 (4 months after our daughter was born) where she was threatening to leave with our D if I didnt comply with her demands.
Not once in our R did I ever threaten to either leave her or take our daughter away.
And I may try to relax a little bit...but so far this morning I havent. I've been trying to de-clutter and organize the house...moving more of my ex's stuff to the basement and cleaning in case a social worker does come to visit the home.
With all the painting and remodeling that they're doing over at my ex's dads in making a room for D3, our house has to look at least as presentable and whatnot.
And its going to be an uphill battle for me given some of the things I've done/said in the past month or so. Though I think even my going over to her dads house that night may not be as damning as it initially looks...for the simple reason that I had no idea that my ex and OM would be there together. The only thing I knew as facts were that my ex was at her dads house and D3 was there, and to my knowledge no one else was there...so when her phone stopped accepting texts or calls, and she said she was going to bed at 10PM, something wasnt right. If for no other reason than D3's safety I had a right to go over and make sure things were ok.
"And as far as your last statement, are you suggesting I do try to talk to my ex about dropping the suit?"
No. It's to show how immature you've been acting in all this. As far as I can see, your W has more on you than you do. Remember they usually side with the mother in most custody cases regardless of what. And the fact that you've been sending her emails, leaving messages, etc. sure doesn't hurt her case. It totally has made you out to be the bad guy.
But right now that seems to be your approach. Thinking that just because you believe she is wrong that you will be okay. Well it's not. Start taking steps to protect yourself and your D.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
But right now that seems to be your approach. Thinking that just because you believe she is wrong that you will be okay. Well it's not. Start taking steps to protect yourself and your D.
Well I spent a good portion of today typing up what I have on her as well as pointing out some things that they might try to use against me.
But as I look at what I have on her...and my last resort aka the most damning items...I start to feel a bit uneasy/sad.
Mainly because 6 months ago I was so in love with my ex I would never ever have thought of using such information. And as much as I hate her for what she did to me, D3, and our family, it makes me sad that what I know and may have to use could send D3's mom to prison. Thats why I want her to stop this now...because I know D3 may some day resent me for doing it, and my ex will indeed hate me to infinity and beyond...but at the same time I cant just let her take D3 away from me. Cheating on me and breaking up our family like she did, she lacks the morals to be a good role model for D3.
And all it would have taken to prevent all this would have been for the OM to have gone away and her to have given me and our R/family another chance.
It sucks so bad to be in this position...I honestly wish I could rewind time about a month and prevent all this negative post-R stuff from happening, so that she and I would be getting along and I was still be ok with her and OM being together while I was moving on myself.
After Tuesday when I give it all to my L, and if her L uses all the calls/texts/emails of me trying to reconcile my family against me...that's probably the beginning of the end.
And all it would have taken to prevent all this would have been for the OM to have gone away and her to have given me and our R/family another chance.
No. It would have taken a lot more. Among them, it would have taken you facing the fact that you have to grow up. That you have to start taking responsibility. That you stop with the martyr complex and blame game.
But reality can be so inconvenient at times. Eh?
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
Mainly because 6 months ago I was so in love with my ex I would never ever have thought of using such information. And as much as I hate her for what she did to me, D3, and our family, it makes me sad that what I know and may have to use could send D3's mom to prison. Thats why I want her to stop this now...because I know D3 may some day resent me for doing it, and my ex will indeed hate me to infinity and beyond...but at the same time I cant just let her take D3 away from me. Cheating on me and breaking up our family like she did, she lacks the morals to be a good role model for D3.
Please get some type of professional counseling or mental help ASAP. What you are writing makes it seem like you are delusional or having some kind of break from reality.
Let's imagine the situation where you "expose" the information about your ex that would "send her to prison." I'm guessing it would be something that would need to be brought to a lawyer or court, since going to prison is the result of committing a crime.
And let's take it a step further. This is how I imagine it would play out.
NSW: Judge/Lawyer, I have information about my ex that is criminal and you should know about it.
Judge: Ok, Mr. NSW, please present your evidence.
NSW: Here it is (whatever it is you supposedly have on your ex, and let's pretend that it is criminal activity)
Judge: Mr. NSW, how long have you had this information?
NSW: 1 week (or 1 month or however long it is).
Judge: Mr. NWS, do you mean to tell me that you knew your ex had committed a crime and did not report it to the police? Are you saying that you've not come forward with this information in a timely manner?
NSW: Uhhh....
Judge: Mr. NSW, do you realize you could be considered as a co-conspirator, and a participant as aiding and abetting your ex in this crime. The both of you should go to jail. >>>
Listen, I don't know what's happening to you, but what you are writing is not based in reality. You've got some bad version of Law and Order playing out in your head, but whatever it is, it's not real. It sounds like a teen-age fantasy role playing game where you are the good guy and save the world from destruction.
I can't believe you are in your early 30s. I don't know what your wife is like, but you both sound developmentally challenged as far as rational thinking. Wow.
I can't believe you are in your early 30s. I don't know what your wife is like, but you both sound developmentally challenged as far as rational thinking. Wow.
Let's play nice, knittedscarff!
No one knows what is completely going on here with nsw1222's situation. Yes, it seems like he is feeling like letting some anger loose, but who hasn't thought of it? So the prison thing seems extreme, but maybe there's something very valid here that HE needs to explore with the lawyer.
NSW: Is it possible that your anger is making it hard to see where you could improve the situation for your kids? I might have missed it, but if there was something criminal going on, KnittedScarff has a point - you need to separate this issue from your marriage/divorce. If you feel it would be something you would send to the police for any friend/family, then do it.
If you'd never do it for your own family or friends, you might want to think carefully after talking to your IC.
